Yesterday, a dear friend of mine told me she used my love life as an example to a friend of hers that's in a bad relationship. While this is startling, let me explain..
I was in a relationship for five years that was unhealthy and toxic for both parties. He cheated on me, and made me feel worthless, but I enabled him. Every day I stayed, and every day I forgave him, I enabled him. It was a two way street, but all I ever wanted was for him to love me. Every day I did something that I was hoping would please him. I lost myself just worrying about someone else. I gained weight, let myself get so wrapped up that I lost a lot of friends. I mean, not only did these "friends" try to compete with me over wanting my boyfriends attention, but they talked so much crap about me behind my back. It was an all around bad situation. It completely enveloped my life, and it took five years for me to see all the damage this relationship had done to me.
Three years ago, he told me he wanted to go on a break. He had put us on breaks all through out our relationship. It was a way for him to stay in control, keep me around, but be able to do whatever he wanted. I had finally had enough, and I left. Since the wound was still really fresh, we went back and forth for about seven months. A month after him and I cut off contact, I met someone whom I thought was a great guy. We dated for about three months, and it just didn't pan out. I really liked him, but I really just was happy that someone was nicer to me than my ex. I pined after him for close to a year. I dated only one other person in this time span. Him and I had a great date, but he was really dropping red flags, and had a very bad past. I dropped that one like a hot potato. After this last guy, I gave up hope. I decided I was going to worry about myself. I need to learn to love myself again before asking someone else to love me.
I began a new job, and on my first day, this guy almost slammed a door right in my face. I mean nearly took my face off with a heavy metal door. Then, we went in for a morning meeting, and this guy was super tan because he had come back from vacation, and he sat in a corner, leaning back in his chair, arms folded, with a really pissed off look on his face. I wanted nothing to do with him. I thought he was rude. it took me a good month to month in a half before I actually spoke a word to him other than "HI".
This coworker and I had just become friends after it took me a month to talk to him. I enjoyed his company, and always found myself taking lunch with him. My best friend told me that I was going to date him, and my mother saw his picture and told me that he was special, and he would be the one. I told them to shut their pie holes. I worked with him, and I was not going to shit where I ate.
I found myself alone on a Saturday night. I was supposed to go out with my friend to hang with this coworker, and she canceled on it. I decided since she wasn't going to go, that I didn't want to go. Then my other friend told me to go, because I wasn't going to be doing anything that night anyway. It was the best decision I ever made.
We have been together ever since, and I can honestly say I found the man I am going to marry. I am so in love with him. Everything they tell you that will happen when you meet the right person does happen. It fits, it clicks, and it makes perfect sense. It's a feeling that comes over you, and you just know it when it happens.
So, stop trying to fix and change and the man who cheats, and lies, and makes you feel worthless because there is a man out there who will love you more than that. There is a man out there who respects you and values you. Stop wasting your youth and beauty on a man who is not deserving of such precious things. It's time to stop pitying yourself, and start caring for yourself, and taking pride in who you are. Your value is not determined by what some loser who can't keep his penis in his pants thinks. Know your worth, and don't let it be cheapened. Know that the right man will never make you feel cheap, and will always make you feel loved.
- Julie Catherine
Monday, August 4, 2014
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Working for the (Wo)Man.
Many people will cringe when I say this, but I have put my two weeks in at work after working for my company for only nine months. I heard you gasp, and say I am crazy for not holding out for at least a year, but from the cards I was dealt here, I have every reason to want to go. Sometimes, a company fires an employee because they aren't working out. In this case I fired the company.
When I went on my final interview with the people who subsequently hired me, I had the wool pulled over my eyes. They gave me ideas of grandeur. I would be making all kinds of money, I would grow with the company, and I would have the freedom to create the position they put me in. It all sounds wonderful. I signed up right then and there.
I was fresh out of college by a few months, and had thought to myself how great this was that I got a salaried position with eight paid holidays and extensive vacation time. I was so wrong. At first, the employers made me think that they had all their ducks in a row, and they knew what they were doing, but when I got my first paycheck I saw a red flag. What they had quoted me was not what they gave me. I was initially really upset, but decided to give this place a shot because they said they were doing big things and growing rapidly.
After about three months, I began to develop the bad habit of coming into work 20 to 30 minutes late. My boss was barely ever at work, and when she did come in it wasn't until around 3. On occasion when she was in, and I could ask for her advice on how to deal with a customer or if I needed her authority on taking care of a customers bill, but all she would do is lead me in a circle back to where I started. Quickly, I began to realize that this woman has no idea what she's doing.
Eventually, I just to matters into my own hands, and gave people tons of discounts on things in order to work a deal with them to get them as my customer. Still, there were things I needed from her that she was not willing to give. She wouldn't come into work for weeks at a time, and at one point didn't come in to work for an entire month. She was never there to help me or guide me or give me permission on things I needed her blessing on. I went from working like a mad man, to eventually having nothing to do because everything needed her approval, it all wound up in limbo. It took me five months to just get business cards that took someone else maybe five minutes to do. It began to take it's toll on me.
I like working, and I like feeling valued. I was barely working because nothing would get approved, and I absolutely was not valued. I got our customer base up by at least 65% since the year before, and I was told I would receive commission, I never saw a dime. Instead she brought me flowers. Flowers don't pay my student loans. Then, little by little, others came through the woodwork and said to me that they agree with everything I think. I think my boss is incompetent, unintelligent, and totally incapable of fulfilling her duties. To top it all off, she went ahead and stole five pieces of work I did, and claimed them as her own. Never once mentioned my name in having anything to do with it.
Now, I know you're saying, "Well, at least it's a job and you're getting paid." That's true! I have a job and I was getting paid. I also knew that I was worth more professionally and financially. I began looking for jobs. My mother told me to stick with where I was because I didn't give it enough of a chance. Unfortunately, when people who have been with the company for years tell you to get out while you can because it's a unhealthy culture and environment, and you feel that way as well, it's time to go.
It didn't take long before I went on interviews and was offered a position with a new place. I made sure that this time around I interviewed the company as well, and got an offer letter with everything we discussed in place. They asked me if my boss would counter offer, I said no, and what I didn't tell them is that it would be a no because she wouldn't know how.
The day came for me to put my two weeks in, and sure enough I wasn't counter offered, and they said they were sad I was leaving, but clearly they never appreciated me. Now that I have made my move, and I have made the best decision for myself, and the most healthy decision, I couldn't be happier. This place was more of a job, not a career.
If you find yourself in the same shoes I was in, you feel your work environment and culture isn't a healthy one, and does not grow you professionally, financially or personally, it's not you it's them. It is perfectly fine if you go somewhere and it just doesn't work out. Obviously, don't make a habit of leaving jobs because things don't go well after a few months, but really pay attention and assess your situation. Pay attention to what people who have been there for years have to say about the management you are working for. Whether they work for them directly or work in the same company. It is perfectly fine to leave when there is no benefit for you in any professional, financial, or personal way. If it is okay for a company to let a person go because they don't benefit the company, it is perfectly fine for you to leave a company because they do not benefit you.
- Julie Catherine.
I was fresh out of college by a few months, and had thought to myself how great this was that I got a salaried position with eight paid holidays and extensive vacation time. I was so wrong. At first, the employers made me think that they had all their ducks in a row, and they knew what they were doing, but when I got my first paycheck I saw a red flag. What they had quoted me was not what they gave me. I was initially really upset, but decided to give this place a shot because they said they were doing big things and growing rapidly.
After about three months, I began to develop the bad habit of coming into work 20 to 30 minutes late. My boss was barely ever at work, and when she did come in it wasn't until around 3. On occasion when she was in, and I could ask for her advice on how to deal with a customer or if I needed her authority on taking care of a customers bill, but all she would do is lead me in a circle back to where I started. Quickly, I began to realize that this woman has no idea what she's doing.
Eventually, I just to matters into my own hands, and gave people tons of discounts on things in order to work a deal with them to get them as my customer. Still, there were things I needed from her that she was not willing to give. She wouldn't come into work for weeks at a time, and at one point didn't come in to work for an entire month. She was never there to help me or guide me or give me permission on things I needed her blessing on. I went from working like a mad man, to eventually having nothing to do because everything needed her approval, it all wound up in limbo. It took me five months to just get business cards that took someone else maybe five minutes to do. It began to take it's toll on me.
I like working, and I like feeling valued. I was barely working because nothing would get approved, and I absolutely was not valued. I got our customer base up by at least 65% since the year before, and I was told I would receive commission, I never saw a dime. Instead she brought me flowers. Flowers don't pay my student loans. Then, little by little, others came through the woodwork and said to me that they agree with everything I think. I think my boss is incompetent, unintelligent, and totally incapable of fulfilling her duties. To top it all off, she went ahead and stole five pieces of work I did, and claimed them as her own. Never once mentioned my name in having anything to do with it.
It didn't take long before I went on interviews and was offered a position with a new place. I made sure that this time around I interviewed the company as well, and got an offer letter with everything we discussed in place. They asked me if my boss would counter offer, I said no, and what I didn't tell them is that it would be a no because she wouldn't know how.
The day came for me to put my two weeks in, and sure enough I wasn't counter offered, and they said they were sad I was leaving, but clearly they never appreciated me. Now that I have made my move, and I have made the best decision for myself, and the most healthy decision, I couldn't be happier. This place was more of a job, not a career.
- Julie Catherine.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Love Lost & Love Found.
So it's been a while, and I should really be more on top of this blogging thing. I love it. I love writing, but work has gotten in the way. As soon as I'm home, I couldn't be bothered. It's not a good enough excuse, but I need to try to change that.
When I left you all last, it was all heartbreak. I had sat down and told myself I was going to stop looking and begin just worrying about myself. I was in a long relationship, and I didn't care about myself. Everything I did was for this person with only a little bit being about me. The scale was severely tipped. I did soooo much for him, and only ever got a little in return. I gained weight, and I completely lost myself, my pride, my dignity, and self respect. It's been only within the last year that I've begun to come back. So, I decided in September I couldn't be bothered at all with dating. I was going to focus on my work, my well being, and my health. This lasted till October 26th.
A handsome gentleman that I work with, was a good friend of mine. We would sit and chat for hours, and order lunch almost every day. We would talk about friends, family, and interests. The second I mentioned his name in September, my best friend, told me that it was only a matter of time before we began to date. I shut her down immediately. There was no way! We work together. Not happening. Boy, was I wrong.
The week of Halloween weekend, I was invited to a co-worker party, that this guy would be at. I had made plans with my best friend so I decided to just tell her to come to this party instead. The day of she happened to cancel on me, and I really didn't want to go anymore because I was so new, that I felt uncomfortable. My other best friend happened to have gotten into an accident, and I decided to bake her cupcakes and bring her margaritas. As I was sitting on her bed with her cat eating stew ( trying to paint my picture of a spinster ) I told her I no longer wanted to go to this party. She told me I needed to go, because what else was I going to do? Leave her house and go to bed? Yeah, that would have been absolutely it. Nothing more, and nothing less. I decided that I should just go and have a good time and make new friends. So, I changed and headed to the party.
When I arrived, he came outside to greet me, and at this point, it was purely platonic. We played beer pong, and pool, and flip cup, then before I knew it I was tipsy and he was decently drunk. I found myself sitting on his lap thinking, "oh god, this is bad, this is so bad". We work together! This was not in my plan. I decided it was time to go. Then, I found myself in the kitchen, with him in front of me. I knew something was going to happen. Then, he leaned in and kissed me. It was the most perfect, honest, real, and loving kiss I had ever gotten in my life. With that said I was terrified, and I ran out of there.
The next couple days, I just tried to down play what happened. I mean, we work together! It was beyond inappropriate. I just acted like nothing happened. Then, when he asked me out on a date, I just took a huge leap of faith, and went. It was awkward and it was new, so everything felt weird. I felt like a teenager. I hit the ground running. A month later he met my family. A month after that I met his. And every single day he confirms for me why I needed to be molded for him. I went through horrible times to be able to know how I deserve to be treated. I am treated like a queen. We're not perfect, but together we have it all. The way he treats me is the way every woman wants to be treated. Love, respect, kindness, consideration, and he is a total gentleman. I can thank his mother enough for raising such a wonderful person.
With that said, yes my relationship is finally in order. My student loans eat me alive every single month, and I need to lose a good 20 pounds. I'm working on all of it, and it takes time. It took me two years to find a good man. It'll take time to iron the rest out. That's what our 20's are for. I hope a year from now I will be 20 pounds lighter, and my finances won't be so tight, but only time can tell. I'm just glad my heart is finally in good hands.
- Julie Catherine
When I left you all last, it was all heartbreak. I had sat down and told myself I was going to stop looking and begin just worrying about myself. I was in a long relationship, and I didn't care about myself. Everything I did was for this person with only a little bit being about me. The scale was severely tipped. I did soooo much for him, and only ever got a little in return. I gained weight, and I completely lost myself, my pride, my dignity, and self respect. It's been only within the last year that I've begun to come back. So, I decided in September I couldn't be bothered at all with dating. I was going to focus on my work, my well being, and my health. This lasted till October 26th.
A handsome gentleman that I work with, was a good friend of mine. We would sit and chat for hours, and order lunch almost every day. We would talk about friends, family, and interests. The second I mentioned his name in September, my best friend, told me that it was only a matter of time before we began to date. I shut her down immediately. There was no way! We work together. Not happening. Boy, was I wrong.
The week of Halloween weekend, I was invited to a co-worker party, that this guy would be at. I had made plans with my best friend so I decided to just tell her to come to this party instead. The day of she happened to cancel on me, and I really didn't want to go anymore because I was so new, that I felt uncomfortable. My other best friend happened to have gotten into an accident, and I decided to bake her cupcakes and bring her margaritas. As I was sitting on her bed with her cat eating stew ( trying to paint my picture of a spinster ) I told her I no longer wanted to go to this party. She told me I needed to go, because what else was I going to do? Leave her house and go to bed? Yeah, that would have been absolutely it. Nothing more, and nothing less. I decided that I should just go and have a good time and make new friends. So, I changed and headed to the party.
When I arrived, he came outside to greet me, and at this point, it was purely platonic. We played beer pong, and pool, and flip cup, then before I knew it I was tipsy and he was decently drunk. I found myself sitting on his lap thinking, "oh god, this is bad, this is so bad". We work together! This was not in my plan. I decided it was time to go. Then, I found myself in the kitchen, with him in front of me. I knew something was going to happen. Then, he leaned in and kissed me. It was the most perfect, honest, real, and loving kiss I had ever gotten in my life. With that said I was terrified, and I ran out of there.
The next couple days, I just tried to down play what happened. I mean, we work together! It was beyond inappropriate. I just acted like nothing happened. Then, when he asked me out on a date, I just took a huge leap of faith, and went. It was awkward and it was new, so everything felt weird. I felt like a teenager. I hit the ground running. A month later he met my family. A month after that I met his. And every single day he confirms for me why I needed to be molded for him. I went through horrible times to be able to know how I deserve to be treated. I am treated like a queen. We're not perfect, but together we have it all. The way he treats me is the way every woman wants to be treated. Love, respect, kindness, consideration, and he is a total gentleman. I can thank his mother enough for raising such a wonderful person.
With that said, yes my relationship is finally in order. My student loans eat me alive every single month, and I need to lose a good 20 pounds. I'm working on all of it, and it takes time. It took me two years to find a good man. It'll take time to iron the rest out. That's what our 20's are for. I hope a year from now I will be 20 pounds lighter, and my finances won't be so tight, but only time can tell. I'm just glad my heart is finally in good hands.
- Julie Catherine
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