Chivalry is Dead. Or is it?

So, I am a firm believer in the man paying for the dates. If we go to dinner, movies, any activity that is deemed as a date the man should pay. I have before acted like I was about to pay in a move to test the person I am with, and if he accepts the payment I have offered, he will never get a second date. It is just rude and bad manners if a man makes a woman pay. Even my guy friends never make me pay. It's just the appropriate way to do things.

Then, there's the "BUT IT'S 2013!" crew.

NEVER go back on your word! Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say things you don't mean.

These are the people who expect women to either split the bill, pay for their own portion, or expect them to pay every other time. That to me is a cop out, it's saying to me, "I don't have enough money to pay for us both." or "I'm a cheap asshole who wants to spare the money to pay for you so I can buy something for myself." Rule number one, if you do not have enough money to pay for the date, find something cheaper for you two to do, or don't go on a damn date until your funds are better. Rule number two: if you are not paying for her because you are saving the money for yourself, you are an extremely selfish person, and you need to get your life together. Selflessness is the way to be, especially in a relationship.

RULES OF A GENTLEMAN

One guy I dated for a very brief time, begged to be my boyfriend. I had my reservations, but he broke me down, I felt bad for the guy, so I just said yes. As soon as I became his girlfriend, things changed. He went from wining and dining me, to "Hey, can you pay for your drinks?" Excuse me? I was paying for my gas to get to the city, then the subway, then the train, and he asked me to pay for drinks. I couldn't believe the audacity. I let it slide the first time, but then it became an on going thing. We went to dinner once, I wasn't hungry, so I just got a soda, and he got a huge meal, and then asked me to split the bill. How could we spilt the bill if you ordered way more than I did? I let it slide and told him all I had was my card, and he huffed and puffed and paid the tab because he had cash and there was a $10 minimum on card. He only paid cause he had to. Not cause he wanted to, or that it was the right thing to do.

Then, one night we went to dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant. When the bill came, he asked me to split the bill. I told him that it's weird that he makes me split the bill. I pay for bagels in the morning, grab us coffee, and small things that I know he will like. I am by no means inconsiderate or expecting him to pay for everything, but the bigger things I feel he should take control over, it should be his domain. He then told me that all of his friends and their girlfriend have joint accounts, and they use the credit card to pay for it, and when the bill comes from the bank, they split it. Mind you, the people he is referring to have been together for upwards of three years, we'd been together about a month if that much.

This is supposed to be the "honeymoon" phase of our relationship. For the first year everything should be fun and exciting and different because we are getting to know each other. It shouldn't be this lazy kind of romance. I don't even think you could call it romance. It was like as soon as he made me his girlfriend, he felt he had to stop trying. Both people in the relationship need to work and try hard everyday, try hard in the sense that you shouldn't get comfortable and no longer care about the little things. I know girls who have, in the beginning of their relationships, been sent flowers every single week. Then, shortly after the six month mark it fizzles out. Why stop showing that you care? If you can't continue to send flowers every week, do something simple like make dinner. There's so many ways to show you care, and making a girl pay for her own dinner is one of the ways that you show you could give a shit less. As corny and cliche as it sounds, the married couples or long term relationship couples I know still have those moments. Yes, arguing is inevitable. No one gets along 24/7, 365 days a year. The point I'm trying to reach here is you have to always have that sparkle. Always have that consideration for the other person your with. If you hear them say they like a chapstick you have, surprise them with it, it's the little things people remember. My favorite thing is getting a morning message that says "Good morning beautiful, have a great day". It's those kind of considerations that people love.

Small things mean so much, and we remember them.

Making a girl pay her own way is NOT considerate. My father has yet to ever make my mother pay for her own meals or anything she wants. She gets him gifts and things of that nature, but he takes good care of her. That's the way it should be. Both parties should be considerate of the other. Now, I am fully well aware that there are some women who wish to pay, and that is perfectly fine, but a man shouldn't be requesting it. It really looks pathetic. Needless to say, shortly after he asked me to pay for my own dinner, I broke it off. It was such bad manners, and quite frankly, tacky. I have a feeling his mother would be embarrassed, and if she's not, she should be.

Scott Disick carrying Kourtney Kardashian over cobblestones in NYC. TAKE NOTES!

I'm sure some people are thinking, "WOW! You're spoiled!" or "You're so selfish" but, that's by no means the case. I am big on manners and a man being a gentleman and being chivalrous. There's no excuses for bad manners and having no respect. The days of the gentleman were never over, they were always here, people just slacked off in the raising of their children, and in some cases they didn't slack off and the men are making the right moves. Either way, by no means should a man ever request a woman pay, even if she wants to pay, there should be no request or demand that she pay. Men, you need to get your manners in line, I am tired of hearing the same old sob story "I have no faith in women", call the WAHMBULANCE! I should have no faith in men, but I NEVER punish any one for anyone elses mistakes they made. Men and women should be treated as a case by case basis, not as a whole group. So what someone broke your heart, that doesn't mean the next one will. You have to cross a lot of stepping stones before you can finally settle with the right one. So, take care of the person you're with, and be chivalrous, be kind, be respectful, and most important... HAVE MANNERS!

Ask, Believe, Receive,
Julie Catherine

Heartbreak.. or Something Like It.

I initially started this blog with my direction to be on the fashion and make up side, and it has been in some aspects. Unfortunately, my best writing comes from what I feel, not what I think. I love fashion, I actually did serious damage at the mall today, but the reason I did was because I got my heart broken. Broken like it used to get in high school before I taught myself not to care. I cared. I cared and it got the best of me. On the bright side, I got to drink a mimosa in Michael Kors and bought the shoes I've been dying for, I got red lipstick from MAC, I bought a fantastic bracelet from Bloomingdale's called Alex and Ani, and got lots of goodies from Forever 21.

In order for me to go on this crazy shopping spree, I had to have my heart stomped all over. The one guy I have truly liked, and felt a connection with, burst it into pieces. Trust me I will be perfectly fine, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt right now. He has been giving me the run around, and when he asked me to hang out with him and his friends, I did. I had a wonderful night, and stayed with him till morning. I went home floating on cloud nine, in hopes things were changing for the best. It was too good to be true.

Shortly after the amazing time I had, he tried to turn me into a booty call. Mind you, he had been telling me I wasn't. This time was different. When I told him a gentleman doesn't speak that way to a woman, he claimed he was a gentleman. Then, he proceeded to try to get me to be a booty call. I told him I am not one and that I was disappointed in him. I waited a beat and told him that if I'm just a booty call I would have liked it if he would be straightforward about it from the beginning instead of letting me feel a certain way. He has said nothing to me. Not one single word. My heart is broken. Not for long. But, right now it stings a little bit.

I just wish he had be honest and not acted like he wanted to be my boyfriend or anything more than that. He should have kept it simple, and let me know where I stood. Now I had to find out the hard way where I stood. It bothers me that he couldn't say something, that he didn't have it in him to be honest. It hurts me more that he acted like my boyfriend. If you saw us in public, you wouldn't even think twice, you would assume we were boyfriend/girlfriend. I guess that's what through me off, he seemed genuine. He seemed real and honest, and he wasn't. He tripped me up completely. I am upset that I got myself so wrapped up in a daydream, and didn't catch it before it happened. Maybe, I wasn't daydreaming, and he is just not a stable person. Stable enough, or respectful enough to truly do right by someone else. I don't think this has anything to do with what I did or didn't do. I think it has everything to do with him and his issues. He told me he has no faith in women, and that's all fine and dandy, but that doesn't mean you should count every woman out. I feel like I was counted out.

I know it'll heal on it's own, bit by bit. I will move forward with my life, but I can't help how I feel right now, in this moment. It feels pretty low. A very unwanted feeling has flooded over me. A good man will come my way when the time is right in my life. This point in time is not right for me I suppose. I just need to get a good nights sleep, and start fresh tomorrow. Every second is a chance to change your life, so change it for the better.

Ask, Believe, Receive,


Julie Catherine.