I Love Me More

The other day, a good friend of mine sent me an email with an attachment that was titled, Why You're Single by Amanda Crute. It was a short and to the point article that really put things in perspective for me. After I was dropped by whats-his-face, I began to wonder what I did wrong. Did I talk too much? Did I do too much too soon? Did I not do enough? Did I ask for more than he could give? What made things change? What made things go from wonderful to sour so quickly? That's when I read this article.

Why You’re Single

OCT. 17, 2012 

By AMANDA CRUTE

You’re single because you’re single. It’s not because you texted too much or too little or waited 33 minutes to respond because he took 23. It’s not because you met up with your ex that night at 5 a.m. that no one knows about, or because you kissed another boy after a date with a loser.You’re not single because you spit food on that date or tripped coming out the the movie theatre. You’re not single because you hurt your first boyfriend really badly when you were 15 or because you have yet, to this day, to apologize. It’s not because you were secretly jealous when your friend got a boyfriend or that a guy you dated for two months now has a really cute girlfriend and looks really happy. And you’re happy for him. But still ill that he found someone before you.

You’re not single because you slept with your ex boyfriend. You’re not single because half the world found out when you didn’t even want to remember it yourself. You’re not single because you think the guy your friend wants to hook you up with is ugly or not tall enough. It’s not because you’re not willing to put up with someone who doesn’t brush their teeth on a regular basis.

You’re not single because your standards are too high. Good for you for having standards. It’s not because you didn’t like that really, really good guy who wanted to take you on a date and you just weren’t feeling it. And it’s not because you like to wear pajama pants as soon as you get home and wash all the makeup off your face. You’re not single because you didn’t learn enough from the past or would rather chill on a Friday night with your blanket and a cold beer than shower, get ready, and go out. You’re not single because something is wrong with you.

You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now.

I'm single because I am single, and at this point in my life that is the path that I'm on. It wasn't anything I did or didn't do. I was thinking maybe I was serving some karma sentence, but that if that's the case I should be serving a lot of love karma sentences. I'm a multiple offender of "doing stupid shit in relationships" like staying too long, or lying about not feeling well just so I can get some peace and quiet. It's nothing like that. It's not love karma, it's just not my time right now.

I haven't made the strong connection with someone else yet, and that's fine. In reality, I shouldn't be with anyone now. I just ended a five year relationship and haven't been alone since I was thirteen, and by alone I mean really alone. Not dating a single person. This is a time in my life where I should relish being single. One day I will have a husband and children to look after, and most likely won't be able to do anything for myself as often as I can now. This should be my time to focus on who I am and where I'm going. I should enjoy the simple things. I go to the gym right after work every day, and if I had a boyfriend I doubt that would happen as often. I'm in the gym six to seven days a week for an hour and a half to two hours. Then, when I'm done, I go home, shower, eat dinner, make lunch for the next day, and watch Sex and the City before bed. I like my single life right now, and need to appreciate it more.

Yes, I will admit, it would be nice to have someone to be with, especially on the weekends, but I love filling my weekends with mani/pedis, food shopping, laundry, working out, and crashing my mom and dads' date night. I love a good free meal! It's just not my time yet. I would rather wait than settle any day. A woman I know is married with two children. She loves her family and her husband, but she told me not to settle. She told me that things that she let slide before she got married are now beginning to wear thin on her. I know she would never leave her husband, but I understand what she means. Don't push things aside just for the sake of being with someone. I'm not running down the isle anytime soon, even if everyone I know is married or getting married. I would rather wait for that one person who connects with me above anyone else. This is the person you will spend the rest of your life with.. make it count! Don't just marry to say you did it. Marry because it is the right person and the right time. This is going to be your life partner and the parent to your children. Wouldn't you want that person to be the best possible person for you? YES!

I am single because it's not my time yet. When it is, it's going to be exactly what I've been waiting for. I haven't connected with anyone the way I am supposed to and that's all that means. Or maybe I have, and there's just things we both need to do before we get put together. Whatever it is, it will happen at the exact right moment. I sounds like a corny cliche quote generator, but I speak the truth. Right now, it is time for me to find myself and find where I belong in my career and my life. I need to shape myself and love myself before I can even consider loving someone else.

What I took from all of this, and what took me way too long to figure out, was that it's okay to just be by myself. It's not my time yet, and there's a reason it hasn't worked with anyone because the right one is moving closer towards me. I can't settle because waiting for whoever he is will be that much better. I can't worry about when or where, I just need to have faith that my time is coming, and when it does it will be exactly what I want and need. All in good time.

Ask, Believe, Receive,
Julie Catherine

My Fashion Inspiration.. or Something Like it.

I have a passion for fashion, but a bank account that doesn't quite see it that way. I check designer websites every single day.. Christian Louboutin, Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Prada, Celine, and much more. I get emails for when any new collection comes out. I feed myself off of the new collections that I can't afford, but I fantasize that one day I will be able to actually purchase these things with no sweat off my back.

Don't get me wrong, I have designer bags and shoes, but someday I wish I could shop at Short Hills mall and just throw it in the bag. I am not a materialistic person by any means, but I do love some good fashion. I have a lot of things that inspire me and I keep up on what is the newest in season, even if it's out of my reach, it is still good to stay current. I like daydreaming about the possibilities of what one day could be mine if I work hard enough for it. I just want to share with you what my fave things are...

THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS:

Lilly Ghalichi: This outfit is everything. Simple yet so  gorgeous.

Lilly Ghalichi: I love neutrals and nudes and I wouldn't mind having some Louis Vuitton luggage to go on vacation with  ;)

Louis Vuitton Alma bag. I want this so bad in either this color or gold!

Love Kim Kardashian. That Hermes Birkin is to die. I love the first vest and the cuffed ripped jeans. I wouldn't mind raiding her closet.

This is the next pair of Christian Louboutins I want. Either nude or black, I can't decide which I'm more partial to.

Electric Blue Louboutins with a matching Louie Alma bag. In heaven!

Perfect casual day outfit. It's simple yet chic.

Chanel Sequin Hot Pants.. Enough said!

Versace Wedges.. I love pastels as much as neutrals!

Since I can't afford everything I want just yet, I daydream that someday these beautiful things will be hanging in my closet, but for now I just visit the websites and buy Vogue. I still manage to somehow be well dressed even if it's not designer clothing. I learned my lesson the hard way that if you want only a few days, Arden B. puts their clothes on clearance and you can pay $15 dollars for a once $60 shirt. I also live for Forever 21, but really, who doesn't. I also find that Charlotte Russe is great for shoes, and I buy lots of them. I don't mind shopping the Kardashian Kollection at Sears either. I found an amazing sweater from them that I could easily live in. So, moral of my story is I can still be inspired by gorgeous fashion, even if I can't yet afford it.

PLACES TO SHOP:
intermixx.com
ardenb.com
charlotterusse.com
forever21.com
sears.com/kardashiankollection
louisvuitton.com
saksfifthave.com
net-a-porter.com
zappos.com
christianlouboutin.com
gucci.com
vogue.com

Love and Lust in Jersey

The other day a friend of mine told me a very interesting story. So interesting it inspired this post. He told a story about his college girlfriend. One day, when they were first dating, he was laying on the top bunk bed in her dorm, and she was laying on the bottom. They were watching a movie when he fell asleep, and when he woke up she was on the bottom bunk having sex with someone else! He layed there quietly and pretended to be sleeping. He wound up dating her through out college. A girl who had sex in the room with another man while he was "sleeping", and he didn't see the red flags then, instead he fell for her.

 

Flash forward years later, this guy is still stuck on her, and now she is married with two babies. He invites her to a party for a college reunion type thing, and she arrives with her husband. He decides he is going to insult the husband by telling him that this woman should be with him, therefore resulting in him getting punched in the face and threatened to stay away. Now this woman tells him that she cannot speak to him anymore because he has created a conflict. For whatever reason, he still wants this woman. It took two weeks before she decided to message him and say "Hey :)" through a text message. I told him not to respond to her because all she wants is the attention, and she has no intention of doing anything more than causing trouble, but he still has hope. Then the kick in the pants comes, he tells me this woman has an STD that she contracted in college, and he still wants her. I am loss for words on this one.This guy is young, attractive, smart, funny, stable, and has a great job, so why the french toast does he want to be with this woman who is clearly so beneath him. He could easily do so much better. I think it's safe to say, subconsciously, we all want what we can't have.

My second story comes from a good friend of mine, shes a doll, super hot bod, funny, smart, the kind of girl any man should be proud to marry. She's the kind of girl men look for, but never find because they're too busy chasing easy women. She wound up meeting this guy when she got out of college who began talking about marriage and children within a nine month period. She fell hard for him, and began her domestic reign. I would do the exact same thing so I can't blame her. Just when she thought things were smooth sailing, she messaged him one day asking what he would like for dinner, his response wasn't for food. He told her he couldn't break up with her on the phone or in person because it would be too hard, so he settled to break her heart through a text. She hasn't spoke to him since, but she still keeps hope that he will come back, and just when she thinks she has him out of her mind, he pops back up.

Shes now dating this new guy, and he is interested in her, but late and night, the guy who broke her heart keeps her hopeful. But, for what? He clearly is an immature jerk who isn't ready for anything he had promised. His mouth wrote checks his ass couldn't cash. He led her on a path of destruction. Just like me. When this one particular person began his war path in my life, I couldn't help but fall hard and fast, and who could really blame me? I'm a woman. This is what we do. If a man brings up the marriage word, we immediately fall hard. We put the mans last name with our first name, and because were adults we truly consider it as opposed to in high school when we did it for fun. We no longer date for fun, we date for our future. Every man or woman that comes into our life we picture them in our future. So what do we do when they abruptly exit without any real reason or warning? We continue to hold some sort of hope that they will sweep us off our feet, and make good on everything they once told us.

In my two friends cases and mine, we are stuck on someone who isn't stuck on us. They've made it clear, and they think they made a clean break, but we're still stuck. We date other people, but every time the phone rings, or we get a text, we hope its them. But, what if they really did call? Well, we really should ignore them. They can't have a relationship of convenience with us, it's unfair, and just plain cruel. In reality, what we do is call all our friends for advice as to what we should say. Some will say to curse them out, some will say to ignore them, and some will say to tell them you want to talk to them again, but really it comes down to what you feel is best for you.

I believe that we stick to these people because we can't have them, and for one point in time in our lives they gave us real happiness. It's like a drug addict who chases that first high, that's what we do, we chase that first high when they first kissed us, or when we first met. We live in a dream like state that everything will work out exactly the way we want it to, and I'm sure in some way it will, but it may not be the way we though it would. When we are forced to put something down in life, it's because we're supposed to pick up something better, we just can't see that yet because we're stuck in a fog of what if's and maybe's. So really, is this lust, or is this love? Is this an infatuation with someone we really don't know that well? What if reality hits and we were to marry these people, would they really be the ones we want for the rest of our lives? What if they turn out to be total duds? They could turn out to be wonderful, but if they were wouldn't we be with them already? They would be with us, but if they aren't there's a real reason for it. Maybe they're not ready for us and we're not ready for them, or maybe we're not meant to be together ever again. Who knows, but what it comes down to is how do we banish them from our minds so we can move on and be happy? If we're supposed to be with them it will happen, just not right now, but we need to live a happy life with out them for now.

Only time can tell if we are to be with them, or someone else. Maybe, just maybe, their only purpose was to help usher in a new era in our lives. Maybe they were solely to give us that moment of happiness to put us back on track. Whatever purpose they served, we have to accept that it's over, if not just for now, maybe forever. We can't see what the future holds, and we should be excited about that because we could wind up with someone so amazing and wonderful that would show us why it didn't work with anyone else. There's always a purpose, we just sometimes can't see it yet. We need to see the glass half full as opposed to half empty. Something wonderful is on its way to us.

Ask, Believe, Receive,
 Julie Catherine

One Week in the New Year and...

Happy New Year, again, to all my readers. I was only going to wait a week to blog, but my life got in the way so I'm a few days late. My life has consisted of work, gym, work, gym, work, gym, and sleep. I am eternally exhausted. More tired than I have ever been. Now I know I'm singing the same tune as half of the world, but I'm now understanding why my father comes home after work and takes naps before dinner and after dinner and then goes to sleep.

My lack of energy has actually been wonderful, because for once I can actually sleep through the night without waking up every frickin hour. Any way, pushing aside the boring shiz, I am frustrated as all hell with my love life and my gym life. So where to start...

I need to understand that one week of diet and exercise isn't going to make my hit my goal. It's a process and every day I get closer to my goal. I just sometimes see the glass half empty over half full. I have a very curvy figure and that will never change. I always was a coca cola shape even when I was 100 pounds and looked ill. I have hips for days. I have to respect my shape, but I also know how small I could really be. Not that I'm big, but I know my potential. I have a goal set for May. I want to be at least half way to my goal. I don't care about what numbers say. I want to look amazing when I look in the mirror. I was told skinny girls look good in clothes and fit girls look good naked. I want to look amazing with or with out clothes. I want to be able to rock the shit out of anything. I know it will take time. I just need to understand that it doesn't happen over night and I need to just keep working at it every single day. I need to remember that its not going to be instant gratification. I will have to accept that hard work and dedication to get something still takes time.

I also need to get this one jerk off out from under my skin. He clearly is not into me, and for whatever reason I find myself fantasizing about him. Its only a fantasy and I may be disappointed with the reality. We only dated for a month and he turned out to be a total bullshitter and people pleaser. I think he has good intentions, but he messed up badly by even mentioning the word marriage. Women want that, and when a man mentions it, were sold. He truly seemed like a winner. Then, he fell off the face of the earth, only talking to me here and there. I finally said I'm done, but I still think of him. I need to shake him somehow, he clearly does not think about me. I know with time he will disappear, but it's just a pain right now. Especially because my friend, Ashley, is trying to hook me up with someone. He seems like a winner, but I can't get the loser out of my mind. I'm thinking when I meet this man, it will switch my gears. I never like to be set up, and I never like to give my number out, but I decided to take a leap of faith on this one because I trust Ashley. She knows what I've been through, and I know she wouldn't bother setting me up with anyone unless they're absolutely amazing.

I need to realize that things take time, and everything happens for a reason. All in all, I need to chill the hell out and get it together. I need to let go of the things and people that don't serve their purpose in my life anymore. Since this is a New Year I will wash my hands of things that no longer help me, grow me, or love me in my life. If they provide nothing useful, they are to be removed. I will just focus on getting fit and being fabulous. I want to meet someone special of course, but all in good time. Everything happens in its own time, and I need to stop forcing it and just let it. Have faith and just breathe and believe that everything that I deserve is on it's way to me.


Ask, Believe, Receive,
Julie Catherine

Good-bye 2012, Hello 2013

I think it's safe to say I had a hell of a year. Things progressively got better and better for me, even when I didn't see the silver lining. I had a sick summer and met some wonderful people along the way. In the ups and downs, I feel like I'm one step closer to finding where I belong.

2012 started out liberating. I picked myself up and moved forward in my life, even if it wasn't immediate progress, it did happen slowly but surely, and this year proved to me that I am a lot stronger and a lot more deserving of the things I want for myself in my life.

Summer came around, and even though I took three summer classes to lighten my load for Fall, I still had as much fun as possible. I saw Drake with my friend, Sabina, and it was epic. We had an amazing time. Then, I spent most of my summer at the beach house with Nicole, Manny, Danny, Rob, and Emma. A few stragglers came in and out, but it was an amazing summer. Every Saturday I got off of work, I would grab my packed bag and head down the shore to Point Pleasant and stay till Sunday. We always had a great time. Then Fall came, and I got wrapped up in school and work. I had a great birthday, small, but I like being around close friends. Then I met someone, who for a moment in my life did make me very happy. He wound up flaking out, and I wondered for a short time what went wrong, and what could have made things switch. Then I realized, I was myself the whole time, and if he doesn't like who I am, then he doesn't have to. I can't be upset over things not panning out with a person if I was just being myself. Now if I had acted like I was someone I wasn't, then I'd be pissed because they didn't like who I was pretending to be, not who I am. But, like I said, I was 100% myself, and that's the best I can do. Moving right along...

I had a wonderful holiday season. I got myself a pair of Louboutins for graduating. I graduated college. I began working full time, and I got to ring in the New Year with my two favorite creatures ever, my sister and my puppy. There's no one else I'd rather spend my New Year with.

So today being New Years day, I opened a Pinterest account and made a vision board for what I would like to see in my life this year. It goes as follows.

1. Get my body in even better, more kick ass shape, than it already is.
2. Buy myself a Louie Speedy size 40 in monogram.
3. Start my career, somehow find my place in that career, and run with it.
4. Make a shit ton of money.
5. Buy a new car, a C300 Benz seems reasonable to me.
6. Buy a pair of 160mm Black patent Louboutins, even though they're always on back order -_-
7. Go on a gorgeous vacation to somewhere tropical. Ibiza keeps flashing in my mind.
8. Become an even more fabulous version of myself.
9. Write more.
10. Find a man who loves me for me, and who will treat me the way I know I deserve to be treated, and I him.

These goals may seem shallow, and vapid, but I don't really care because these are the things I want to see this year manifest in my life. I want success and happiness. I want some fancy things that I would earn from my success. I want to find someone who really loves me for me, and doesn't come with a shit ton of baggage and treats me like a queen. I know I would do a good job, I just need to find someone who isn't a total jerk off. With that being said, I want to focus majority of my time on bettering myself. Like I said, I want to become a more fabulous version of myself. I'm already pretty awesome, but there's always room for improvement.

2012 HIGHLIGHTS

Raquels 23rd Birthday.

Brunching at Park East with Nicole and Raquel.

Me and Big Ang from Mob Wives at Park East.

Opening Day at Surf Club. Nicole, Me, Angela, and Joann.

46 Lounge in June with Sead and Nicole.

Fourth of July fireworks at Point Pleasant.

Me and Nicole in August before going out. I love this picture.

My 23rd Birthday in the City. Me, Nicole, and Jazlana.

My first Giants game in November. 

Me and my baby sister at the Tree in NYC.

Drake on stage in June.

James, me, and Danny at Avenue brunch in June.

Me and Carla from Mob Wives outside of Avenue.

Ask, Believe, Receive,

Julie Catherine.