The other day a friend of mine told me a very interesting story. So interesting it inspired this post. He told a story about his college girlfriend. One day, when they were first dating, he was laying on the top bunk bed in her dorm, and she was laying on the bottom. They were watching a movie when he fell asleep, and when he woke up she was on the bottom bunk having sex with someone else! He layed there quietly and pretended to be sleeping. He wound up dating her through out college. A girl who had sex in the room with another man while he was "sleeping", and he didn't see the red flags then, instead he fell for her.
Flash forward years later, this guy is still stuck on her, and now she is married with two babies. He invites her to a party for a college reunion type thing, and she arrives with her husband. He decides he is going to insult the husband by telling him that this woman should be with him, therefore resulting in him getting punched in the face and threatened to stay away. Now this woman tells him that she cannot speak to him anymore because he has created a conflict. For whatever reason, he still wants this woman. It took two weeks before she decided to message him and say "Hey :)" through a text message. I told him not to respond to her because all she wants is the attention, and she has no intention of doing anything more than causing trouble, but he still has hope. Then the kick in the pants comes, he tells me this woman has an STD that she contracted in college, and he still wants her. I am loss for words on this one.This guy is young, attractive, smart, funny, stable, and has a great job, so why the french toast does he want to be with this woman who is clearly so beneath him. He could easily do so much better. I think it's safe to say, subconsciously, we all want what we can't have.
My second story comes from a good friend of mine, shes a doll, super hot bod, funny, smart, the kind of girl any man should be proud to marry. She's the kind of girl men look for, but never find because they're too busy chasing easy women. She wound up meeting this guy when she got out of college who began talking about marriage and children within a nine month period. She fell hard for him, and began her domestic reign. I would do the exact same thing so I can't blame her. Just when she thought things were smooth sailing, she messaged him one day asking what he would like for dinner, his response wasn't for food. He told her he couldn't break up with her on the phone or in person because it would be too hard, so he settled to break her heart through a text. She hasn't spoke to him since, but she still keeps hope that he will come back, and just when she thinks she has him out of her mind, he pops back up.
Shes now dating this new guy, and he is interested in her, but late and night, the guy who broke her heart keeps her hopeful. But, for what? He clearly is an immature jerk who isn't ready for anything he had promised. His mouth wrote checks his ass couldn't cash. He led her on a path of destruction. Just like me. When this one particular person began his war path in my life, I couldn't help but fall hard and fast, and who could really blame me? I'm a woman. This is what we do. If a man brings up the marriage word, we immediately fall hard. We put the mans last name with our first name, and because were adults we truly consider it as opposed to in high school when we did it for fun. We no longer date for fun, we date for our future. Every man or woman that comes into our life we picture them in our future. So what do we do when they abruptly exit without any real reason or warning? We continue to hold some sort of hope that they will sweep us off our feet, and make good on everything they once told us.
In my two friends cases and mine, we are stuck on someone who isn't stuck on us. They've made it clear, and they think they made a clean break, but we're still stuck. We date other people, but every time the phone rings, or we get a text, we hope its them. But, what if they really did call? Well, we really should ignore them. They can't have a relationship of convenience with us, it's unfair, and just plain cruel. In reality, what we do is call all our friends for advice as to what we should say. Some will say to curse them out, some will say to ignore them, and some will say to tell them you want to talk to them again, but really it comes down to what you feel is best for you.
I believe that we stick to these people because we can't have them, and for one point in time in our lives they gave us real happiness. It's like a drug addict who chases that first high, that's what we do, we chase that first high when they first kissed us, or when we first met. We live in a dream like state that everything will work out exactly the way we want it to, and I'm sure in some way it will, but it may not be the way we though it would. When we are forced to put something down in life, it's because we're supposed to pick up something better, we just can't see that yet because we're stuck in a fog of what if's and maybe's. So really, is this lust, or is this love? Is this an infatuation with someone we really don't know that well? What if reality hits and we were to marry these people, would they really be the ones we want for the rest of our lives? What if they turn out to be total duds? They could turn out to be wonderful, but if they were wouldn't we be with them already? They would be with us, but if they aren't there's a real reason for it. Maybe they're not ready for us and we're not ready for them, or maybe we're not meant to be together ever again. Who knows, but what it comes down to is how do we banish them from our minds so we can move on and be happy? If we're supposed to be with them it will happen, just not right now, but we need to live a happy life with out them for now.
Only time can tell if we are to be with them, or someone else. Maybe, just maybe, their only purpose was to help usher in a new era in our lives. Maybe they were solely to give us that moment of happiness to put us back on track. Whatever purpose they served, we have to accept that it's over, if not just for now, maybe forever. We can't see what the future holds, and we should be excited about that because we could wind up with someone so amazing and wonderful that would show us why it didn't work with anyone else. There's always a purpose, we just sometimes can't see it yet. We need to see the glass half full as opposed to half empty. Something wonderful is on its way to us.
Ask, Believe, Receive,
Julie Catherine
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