My lack of energy has actually been wonderful, because for once I can actually sleep through the night without waking up every frickin hour. Any way, pushing aside the boring shiz, I am frustrated as all hell with my love life and my gym life. So where to start...
I need to understand that one week of diet and exercise isn't going to make my hit my goal. It's a process and every day I get closer to my goal. I just sometimes see the glass half empty over half full. I have a very curvy figure and that will never change. I always was a coca cola shape even when I was 100 pounds and looked ill. I have hips for days. I have to respect my shape, but I also know how small I could really be. Not that I'm big, but I know my potential. I have a goal set for May. I want to be at least half way to my goal. I don't care about what numbers say. I want to look amazing when I look in the mirror. I was told skinny girls look good in clothes and fit girls look good naked. I want to look amazing with or with out clothes. I want to be able to rock the shit out of anything. I know it will take time. I just need to understand that it doesn't happen over night and I need to just keep working at it every single day. I need to remember that its not going to be instant gratification. I will have to accept that hard work and dedication to get something still takes time.
I also need to get this one jerk off out from under my skin. He clearly is not into me, and for whatever reason I find myself fantasizing about him. Its only a fantasy and I may be disappointed with the reality. We only dated for a month and he turned out to be a total bullshitter and people pleaser. I think he has good intentions, but he messed up badly by even mentioning the word marriage. Women want that, and when a man mentions it, were sold. He truly seemed like a winner. Then, he fell off the face of the earth, only talking to me here and there. I finally said I'm done, but I still think of him. I need to shake him somehow, he clearly does not think about me. I know with time he will disappear, but it's just a pain right now. Especially because my friend, Ashley, is trying to hook me up with someone. He seems like a winner, but I can't get the loser out of my mind. I'm thinking when I meet this man, it will switch my gears. I never like to be set up, and I never like to give my number out, but I decided to take a leap of faith on this one because I trust Ashley. She knows what I've been through, and I know she wouldn't bother setting me up with anyone unless they're absolutely amazing.
I need to realize that things take time, and everything happens for a reason. All in all, I need to chill the hell out and get it together. I need to let go of the things and people that don't serve their purpose in my life anymore. Since this is a New Year I will wash my hands of things that no longer help me, grow me, or love me in my life. If they provide nothing useful, they are to be removed. I will just focus on getting fit and being fabulous. I want to meet someone special of course, but all in good time. Everything happens in its own time, and I need to stop forcing it and just let it. Have faith and just breathe and believe that everything that I deserve is on it's way to me.
Ask, Believe, Receive,
Julie Catherine
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