Yesterday, a dear friend of mine told me she used my love life as an example to a friend of hers that's in a bad relationship. While this is startling, let me explain..
I was in a relationship for five years that was unhealthy and toxic for both parties. He cheated on me, and made me feel worthless, but I enabled him. Every day I stayed, and every day I forgave him, I enabled him. It was a two way street, but all I ever wanted was for him to love me. Every day I did something that I was hoping would please him. I lost myself just worrying about someone else. I gained weight, let myself get so wrapped up that I lost a lot of friends. I mean, not only did these "friends" try to compete with me over wanting my boyfriends attention, but they talked so much crap about me behind my back. It was an all around bad situation. It completely enveloped my life, and it took five years for me to see all the damage this relationship had done to me.
Three years ago, he told me he wanted to go on a break. He had put us on breaks all through out our relationship. It was a way for him to stay in control, keep me around, but be able to do whatever he wanted. I had finally had enough, and I left. Since the wound was still really fresh, we went back and forth for about seven months. A month after him and I cut off contact, I met someone whom I thought was a great guy. We dated for about three months, and it just didn't pan out. I really liked him, but I really just was happy that someone was nicer to me than my ex. I pined after him for close to a year. I dated only one other person in this time span. Him and I had a great date, but he was really dropping red flags, and had a very bad past. I dropped that one like a hot potato. After this last guy, I gave up hope. I decided I was going to worry about myself. I need to learn to love myself again before asking someone else to love me.
I began a new job, and on my first day, this guy almost slammed a door right in my face. I mean nearly took my face off with a heavy metal door. Then, we went in for a morning meeting, and this guy was super tan because he had come back from vacation, and he sat in a corner, leaning back in his chair, arms folded, with a really pissed off look on his face. I wanted nothing to do with him. I thought he was rude. it took me a good month to month in a half before I actually spoke a word to him other than "HI".
This coworker and I had just become friends after it took me a month to talk to him. I enjoyed his company, and always found myself taking lunch with him. My best friend told me that I was going to date him, and my mother saw his picture and told me that he was special, and he would be the one. I told them to shut their pie holes. I worked with him, and I was not going to shit where I ate.
I found myself alone on a Saturday night. I was supposed to go out with my friend to hang with this coworker, and she canceled on it. I decided since she wasn't going to go, that I didn't want to go. Then my other friend told me to go, because I wasn't going to be doing anything that night anyway. It was the best decision I ever made.
We have been together ever since, and I can honestly say I found the man I am going to marry. I am so in love with him. Everything they tell you that will happen when you meet the right person does happen. It fits, it clicks, and it makes perfect sense. It's a feeling that comes over you, and you just know it when it happens.
So, stop trying to fix and change and the man who cheats, and lies, and makes you feel worthless because there is a man out there who will love you more than that. There is a man out there who respects you and values you. Stop wasting your youth and beauty on a man who is not deserving of such precious things. It's time to stop pitying yourself, and start caring for yourself, and taking pride in who you are. Your value is not determined by what some loser who can't keep his penis in his pants thinks. Know your worth, and don't let it be cheapened. Know that the right man will never make you feel cheap, and will always make you feel loved.
- Julie Catherine
Monday, August 4, 2014
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Working for the (Wo)Man.
Many people will cringe when I say this, but I have put my two weeks in at work after working for my company for only nine months. I heard you gasp, and say I am crazy for not holding out for at least a year, but from the cards I was dealt here, I have every reason to want to go. Sometimes, a company fires an employee because they aren't working out. In this case I fired the company.
When I went on my final interview with the people who subsequently hired me, I had the wool pulled over my eyes. They gave me ideas of grandeur. I would be making all kinds of money, I would grow with the company, and I would have the freedom to create the position they put me in. It all sounds wonderful. I signed up right then and there.
I was fresh out of college by a few months, and had thought to myself how great this was that I got a salaried position with eight paid holidays and extensive vacation time. I was so wrong. At first, the employers made me think that they had all their ducks in a row, and they knew what they were doing, but when I got my first paycheck I saw a red flag. What they had quoted me was not what they gave me. I was initially really upset, but decided to give this place a shot because they said they were doing big things and growing rapidly.
After about three months, I began to develop the bad habit of coming into work 20 to 30 minutes late. My boss was barely ever at work, and when she did come in it wasn't until around 3. On occasion when she was in, and I could ask for her advice on how to deal with a customer or if I needed her authority on taking care of a customers bill, but all she would do is lead me in a circle back to where I started. Quickly, I began to realize that this woman has no idea what she's doing.
Eventually, I just to matters into my own hands, and gave people tons of discounts on things in order to work a deal with them to get them as my customer. Still, there were things I needed from her that she was not willing to give. She wouldn't come into work for weeks at a time, and at one point didn't come in to work for an entire month. She was never there to help me or guide me or give me permission on things I needed her blessing on. I went from working like a mad man, to eventually having nothing to do because everything needed her approval, it all wound up in limbo. It took me five months to just get business cards that took someone else maybe five minutes to do. It began to take it's toll on me.
I like working, and I like feeling valued. I was barely working because nothing would get approved, and I absolutely was not valued. I got our customer base up by at least 65% since the year before, and I was told I would receive commission, I never saw a dime. Instead she brought me flowers. Flowers don't pay my student loans. Then, little by little, others came through the woodwork and said to me that they agree with everything I think. I think my boss is incompetent, unintelligent, and totally incapable of fulfilling her duties. To top it all off, she went ahead and stole five pieces of work I did, and claimed them as her own. Never once mentioned my name in having anything to do with it.
Now, I know you're saying, "Well, at least it's a job and you're getting paid." That's true! I have a job and I was getting paid. I also knew that I was worth more professionally and financially. I began looking for jobs. My mother told me to stick with where I was because I didn't give it enough of a chance. Unfortunately, when people who have been with the company for years tell you to get out while you can because it's a unhealthy culture and environment, and you feel that way as well, it's time to go.
It didn't take long before I went on interviews and was offered a position with a new place. I made sure that this time around I interviewed the company as well, and got an offer letter with everything we discussed in place. They asked me if my boss would counter offer, I said no, and what I didn't tell them is that it would be a no because she wouldn't know how.
The day came for me to put my two weeks in, and sure enough I wasn't counter offered, and they said they were sad I was leaving, but clearly they never appreciated me. Now that I have made my move, and I have made the best decision for myself, and the most healthy decision, I couldn't be happier. This place was more of a job, not a career.
If you find yourself in the same shoes I was in, you feel your work environment and culture isn't a healthy one, and does not grow you professionally, financially or personally, it's not you it's them. It is perfectly fine if you go somewhere and it just doesn't work out. Obviously, don't make a habit of leaving jobs because things don't go well after a few months, but really pay attention and assess your situation. Pay attention to what people who have been there for years have to say about the management you are working for. Whether they work for them directly or work in the same company. It is perfectly fine to leave when there is no benefit for you in any professional, financial, or personal way. If it is okay for a company to let a person go because they don't benefit the company, it is perfectly fine for you to leave a company because they do not benefit you.
- Julie Catherine.
I was fresh out of college by a few months, and had thought to myself how great this was that I got a salaried position with eight paid holidays and extensive vacation time. I was so wrong. At first, the employers made me think that they had all their ducks in a row, and they knew what they were doing, but when I got my first paycheck I saw a red flag. What they had quoted me was not what they gave me. I was initially really upset, but decided to give this place a shot because they said they were doing big things and growing rapidly.
After about three months, I began to develop the bad habit of coming into work 20 to 30 minutes late. My boss was barely ever at work, and when she did come in it wasn't until around 3. On occasion when she was in, and I could ask for her advice on how to deal with a customer or if I needed her authority on taking care of a customers bill, but all she would do is lead me in a circle back to where I started. Quickly, I began to realize that this woman has no idea what she's doing.
Eventually, I just to matters into my own hands, and gave people tons of discounts on things in order to work a deal with them to get them as my customer. Still, there were things I needed from her that she was not willing to give. She wouldn't come into work for weeks at a time, and at one point didn't come in to work for an entire month. She was never there to help me or guide me or give me permission on things I needed her blessing on. I went from working like a mad man, to eventually having nothing to do because everything needed her approval, it all wound up in limbo. It took me five months to just get business cards that took someone else maybe five minutes to do. It began to take it's toll on me.
I like working, and I like feeling valued. I was barely working because nothing would get approved, and I absolutely was not valued. I got our customer base up by at least 65% since the year before, and I was told I would receive commission, I never saw a dime. Instead she brought me flowers. Flowers don't pay my student loans. Then, little by little, others came through the woodwork and said to me that they agree with everything I think. I think my boss is incompetent, unintelligent, and totally incapable of fulfilling her duties. To top it all off, she went ahead and stole five pieces of work I did, and claimed them as her own. Never once mentioned my name in having anything to do with it.
It didn't take long before I went on interviews and was offered a position with a new place. I made sure that this time around I interviewed the company as well, and got an offer letter with everything we discussed in place. They asked me if my boss would counter offer, I said no, and what I didn't tell them is that it would be a no because she wouldn't know how.
The day came for me to put my two weeks in, and sure enough I wasn't counter offered, and they said they were sad I was leaving, but clearly they never appreciated me. Now that I have made my move, and I have made the best decision for myself, and the most healthy decision, I couldn't be happier. This place was more of a job, not a career.
- Julie Catherine.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Love Lost & Love Found.
So it's been a while, and I should really be more on top of this blogging thing. I love it. I love writing, but work has gotten in the way. As soon as I'm home, I couldn't be bothered. It's not a good enough excuse, but I need to try to change that.
When I left you all last, it was all heartbreak. I had sat down and told myself I was going to stop looking and begin just worrying about myself. I was in a long relationship, and I didn't care about myself. Everything I did was for this person with only a little bit being about me. The scale was severely tipped. I did soooo much for him, and only ever got a little in return. I gained weight, and I completely lost myself, my pride, my dignity, and self respect. It's been only within the last year that I've begun to come back. So, I decided in September I couldn't be bothered at all with dating. I was going to focus on my work, my well being, and my health. This lasted till October 26th.
A handsome gentleman that I work with, was a good friend of mine. We would sit and chat for hours, and order lunch almost every day. We would talk about friends, family, and interests. The second I mentioned his name in September, my best friend, told me that it was only a matter of time before we began to date. I shut her down immediately. There was no way! We work together. Not happening. Boy, was I wrong.
The week of Halloween weekend, I was invited to a co-worker party, that this guy would be at. I had made plans with my best friend so I decided to just tell her to come to this party instead. The day of she happened to cancel on me, and I really didn't want to go anymore because I was so new, that I felt uncomfortable. My other best friend happened to have gotten into an accident, and I decided to bake her cupcakes and bring her margaritas. As I was sitting on her bed with her cat eating stew ( trying to paint my picture of a spinster ) I told her I no longer wanted to go to this party. She told me I needed to go, because what else was I going to do? Leave her house and go to bed? Yeah, that would have been absolutely it. Nothing more, and nothing less. I decided that I should just go and have a good time and make new friends. So, I changed and headed to the party.
When I arrived, he came outside to greet me, and at this point, it was purely platonic. We played beer pong, and pool, and flip cup, then before I knew it I was tipsy and he was decently drunk. I found myself sitting on his lap thinking, "oh god, this is bad, this is so bad". We work together! This was not in my plan. I decided it was time to go. Then, I found myself in the kitchen, with him in front of me. I knew something was going to happen. Then, he leaned in and kissed me. It was the most perfect, honest, real, and loving kiss I had ever gotten in my life. With that said I was terrified, and I ran out of there.
The next couple days, I just tried to down play what happened. I mean, we work together! It was beyond inappropriate. I just acted like nothing happened. Then, when he asked me out on a date, I just took a huge leap of faith, and went. It was awkward and it was new, so everything felt weird. I felt like a teenager. I hit the ground running. A month later he met my family. A month after that I met his. And every single day he confirms for me why I needed to be molded for him. I went through horrible times to be able to know how I deserve to be treated. I am treated like a queen. We're not perfect, but together we have it all. The way he treats me is the way every woman wants to be treated. Love, respect, kindness, consideration, and he is a total gentleman. I can thank his mother enough for raising such a wonderful person.
With that said, yes my relationship is finally in order. My student loans eat me alive every single month, and I need to lose a good 20 pounds. I'm working on all of it, and it takes time. It took me two years to find a good man. It'll take time to iron the rest out. That's what our 20's are for. I hope a year from now I will be 20 pounds lighter, and my finances won't be so tight, but only time can tell. I'm just glad my heart is finally in good hands.
- Julie Catherine
When I left you all last, it was all heartbreak. I had sat down and told myself I was going to stop looking and begin just worrying about myself. I was in a long relationship, and I didn't care about myself. Everything I did was for this person with only a little bit being about me. The scale was severely tipped. I did soooo much for him, and only ever got a little in return. I gained weight, and I completely lost myself, my pride, my dignity, and self respect. It's been only within the last year that I've begun to come back. So, I decided in September I couldn't be bothered at all with dating. I was going to focus on my work, my well being, and my health. This lasted till October 26th.
A handsome gentleman that I work with, was a good friend of mine. We would sit and chat for hours, and order lunch almost every day. We would talk about friends, family, and interests. The second I mentioned his name in September, my best friend, told me that it was only a matter of time before we began to date. I shut her down immediately. There was no way! We work together. Not happening. Boy, was I wrong.
The week of Halloween weekend, I was invited to a co-worker party, that this guy would be at. I had made plans with my best friend so I decided to just tell her to come to this party instead. The day of she happened to cancel on me, and I really didn't want to go anymore because I was so new, that I felt uncomfortable. My other best friend happened to have gotten into an accident, and I decided to bake her cupcakes and bring her margaritas. As I was sitting on her bed with her cat eating stew ( trying to paint my picture of a spinster ) I told her I no longer wanted to go to this party. She told me I needed to go, because what else was I going to do? Leave her house and go to bed? Yeah, that would have been absolutely it. Nothing more, and nothing less. I decided that I should just go and have a good time and make new friends. So, I changed and headed to the party.
When I arrived, he came outside to greet me, and at this point, it was purely platonic. We played beer pong, and pool, and flip cup, then before I knew it I was tipsy and he was decently drunk. I found myself sitting on his lap thinking, "oh god, this is bad, this is so bad". We work together! This was not in my plan. I decided it was time to go. Then, I found myself in the kitchen, with him in front of me. I knew something was going to happen. Then, he leaned in and kissed me. It was the most perfect, honest, real, and loving kiss I had ever gotten in my life. With that said I was terrified, and I ran out of there.
The next couple days, I just tried to down play what happened. I mean, we work together! It was beyond inappropriate. I just acted like nothing happened. Then, when he asked me out on a date, I just took a huge leap of faith, and went. It was awkward and it was new, so everything felt weird. I felt like a teenager. I hit the ground running. A month later he met my family. A month after that I met his. And every single day he confirms for me why I needed to be molded for him. I went through horrible times to be able to know how I deserve to be treated. I am treated like a queen. We're not perfect, but together we have it all. The way he treats me is the way every woman wants to be treated. Love, respect, kindness, consideration, and he is a total gentleman. I can thank his mother enough for raising such a wonderful person.
With that said, yes my relationship is finally in order. My student loans eat me alive every single month, and I need to lose a good 20 pounds. I'm working on all of it, and it takes time. It took me two years to find a good man. It'll take time to iron the rest out. That's what our 20's are for. I hope a year from now I will be 20 pounds lighter, and my finances won't be so tight, but only time can tell. I'm just glad my heart is finally in good hands.
- Julie Catherine
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Lean, Mean, Protein Lovin'
I always seem to stumble on fancy gadgets that make simple tasks easier. Recently, I came across the EGDPro. It's a protein dispenser, and it is amazing. It makes carrying and storing my protein powder around so much easier. I spend most of my time at work, and the EGDPro simplifies my struggling with making a protein shake.
The way it works is really simple, it holds six servings of protein powder, and all you need to do is fill it with the powder of your choice, I like coffee flavored, fill the top part with the powder, flip and turn the nob on the side to dispense into your water, and poof, you have your protein shake.
The bottle is super durable, and really holds up well. It can take a beating from being carried around anywhere you go. I love this, and I would recommend anyone who likes to drink their protein shakes to purchase this.
http://easygodispenser.com/pro.html
- Julie Catherine
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| EGDPro |
The way it works is really simple, it holds six servings of protein powder, and all you need to do is fill it with the powder of your choice, I like coffee flavored, fill the top part with the powder, flip and turn the nob on the side to dispense into your water, and poof, you have your protein shake.
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The bottle is super durable, and really holds up well. It can take a beating from being carried around anywhere you go. I love this, and I would recommend anyone who likes to drink their protein shakes to purchase this.
http://easygodispenser.com/pro.html
- Julie Catherine
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Cheater Cheater, Pumpkin Eater.
After an extremely enlightening conversation with a male friend of mine, I was completely dumbfounded by his ignorance of life. He told me that 98% of men cheat, which I know to be bullshit. On top of that he claimed how all of his friends cheat as well, and that he won't cheat once he's married, but he will feel some kind of temptation. He says he's going to get it all out of his system before he marries his girlfriend, but in the mean time he cheats on her. Any one else think, "what a douche bag"? I sure as hell feel that way.
Let me not totally throw this person under the bus. He is a nice guy, funny, and when he wants to be he can be very intelligent. Unfortunately, like every man who cheats, he harbors the same qualities all men who cheat have. They lack integrity, self-esteem, and humbleness. They all think they're hot pieces of shit, and that every woman that looks at them wants them. Men who cheat are insecure and need gratification from other women to ensure that they are attractive. They have NO confidence in themselves, so they need to be reassured by others that they are valued. They'll claim that it's because they want to get laid, but yet they have a girlfriend.
Men who cheat surround themselves with other men who lack integrity and self-esteem. People who are alike will follow others who are just like them. It makes it easier for them to justify that what they're doing is correct, even though it shows that they aren't man enough to be with one person. The same goes for women. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to man bash, because I know many men who do not cheat because they are confident enough in themselves not to. Women who cheat lack the same qualities as well, they just need to feel that they are attractive and have someone verify that for them.
Men and women who cheat will constantly say things like this, and these are your red flags, "I'm so fat.", "I used to have bigger muscles", "I need a boob job.", "I need to hit the gym more.". They will constantly complain about things they don't like about themselves. They are looking for you to tell they that they're not fat, and that they are buff, and that their boobs are great. They need you to reaffirm to them that they are in fact attractive. What you will notice about these people is that they are thin, they are muscular, and they have a great figure, but they don't think that. It's not your job to fix these people. I have dated my fair share of cheaters, and non-cheaters, and believe me I can tell who is who from the beginning.
Two of the cheaters I dated, both had the same issues, they thought they lacked some attractive physical quality, and they went on and on about it. They both also cheated on me, but it was because they lacked integrity, and they lacked self-esteem. They needed someone else, besides me, who could tell them they were attractive. It's like the more people that tell them they are attractive, that means they must be. The five men I dated that did not cheat, all displayed confidence in themselves. They never complained about what they had or didn't have, they were all honest, stand up men. The man I am dating now, I know would never cheat. He doesn't lack self-esteem, and he is a genuine person. He knows his value, and he never whines and complains about his looks. He is a handsome man with a great heart. He is the kind of man women marry, not like the cheaters who we date for a short period of time.
When I was being cheated on, I always knew. I always had a gut feeling, and I could always tell when I was being lied to. My male friend, who I mentioned earlier, has a girlfriend. He spends only the weekends, and sometimes not the whole weekend, with his girlfriend. They have been together for years, and my theories on her is that either she is A) stupid and doesn't know he's cheating, B) knows he's cheating and won't say anything, or C) she's cheating on him herself and doesn't care what he does. They are barely ever around each other, and if he has time to cheat on her, she has time to cheat on him. I told him before that the only reason he stays with her is because he is comfortable. He knows that she is so beat over him, she will stay. It's just a cycle they have gotten into, and I don't think he will stop cheating.
Cheating on someone is a character flaw, it doesn't make you cool, or hot, or sexy, it makes you pathetic and weak. If you would be angry and leave the person you're with if they cheated on you, you should not do that to them either. Cheating shows a lack of self control, integrity, honesty, trustworthiness, and self-esteem. It really just states to the world that you cannot be trusted or respected. The cheater is always to blame for the cheating, never the person being cheated on or with. Everyone gets angry with the person who helped the cheater cheat, but that person doesn't owe anyone anything if they aren't in the relationship. Being in a relationship means you will be with only that person, not that person and everyone else who you think is looking at you as you walk across the street. It's time to either put up or shut up. Be in a relationship with one person, or be single.
Most people don't cheat, most people don't lack integrity, or respect, or self-esteem. Most people get into relationships because they want to be with one person only. So anyone who tells you everyone cheats is just saying that to confirm to themselves that what they're doing is right and acceptable. They need to say that not to tell you, but to tell themselves. It's a way for them to feel better about what they're doing, even though they know it's wrong. Cheaters never win. They end up in loveless marriages and relationships because while they were chasing tail, they missed out on finding a valuable relationship.
Let me not totally throw this person under the bus. He is a nice guy, funny, and when he wants to be he can be very intelligent. Unfortunately, like every man who cheats, he harbors the same qualities all men who cheat have. They lack integrity, self-esteem, and humbleness. They all think they're hot pieces of shit, and that every woman that looks at them wants them. Men who cheat are insecure and need gratification from other women to ensure that they are attractive. They have NO confidence in themselves, so they need to be reassured by others that they are valued. They'll claim that it's because they want to get laid, but yet they have a girlfriend.
Men who cheat surround themselves with other men who lack integrity and self-esteem. People who are alike will follow others who are just like them. It makes it easier for them to justify that what they're doing is correct, even though it shows that they aren't man enough to be with one person. The same goes for women. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to man bash, because I know many men who do not cheat because they are confident enough in themselves not to. Women who cheat lack the same qualities as well, they just need to feel that they are attractive and have someone verify that for them.
Men and women who cheat will constantly say things like this, and these are your red flags, "I'm so fat.", "I used to have bigger muscles", "I need a boob job.", "I need to hit the gym more.". They will constantly complain about things they don't like about themselves. They are looking for you to tell they that they're not fat, and that they are buff, and that their boobs are great. They need you to reaffirm to them that they are in fact attractive. What you will notice about these people is that they are thin, they are muscular, and they have a great figure, but they don't think that. It's not your job to fix these people. I have dated my fair share of cheaters, and non-cheaters, and believe me I can tell who is who from the beginning.
Two of the cheaters I dated, both had the same issues, they thought they lacked some attractive physical quality, and they went on and on about it. They both also cheated on me, but it was because they lacked integrity, and they lacked self-esteem. They needed someone else, besides me, who could tell them they were attractive. It's like the more people that tell them they are attractive, that means they must be. The five men I dated that did not cheat, all displayed confidence in themselves. They never complained about what they had or didn't have, they were all honest, stand up men. The man I am dating now, I know would never cheat. He doesn't lack self-esteem, and he is a genuine person. He knows his value, and he never whines and complains about his looks. He is a handsome man with a great heart. He is the kind of man women marry, not like the cheaters who we date for a short period of time.
When I was being cheated on, I always knew. I always had a gut feeling, and I could always tell when I was being lied to. My male friend, who I mentioned earlier, has a girlfriend. He spends only the weekends, and sometimes not the whole weekend, with his girlfriend. They have been together for years, and my theories on her is that either she is A) stupid and doesn't know he's cheating, B) knows he's cheating and won't say anything, or C) she's cheating on him herself and doesn't care what he does. They are barely ever around each other, and if he has time to cheat on her, she has time to cheat on him. I told him before that the only reason he stays with her is because he is comfortable. He knows that she is so beat over him, she will stay. It's just a cycle they have gotten into, and I don't think he will stop cheating.
Cheating on someone is a character flaw, it doesn't make you cool, or hot, or sexy, it makes you pathetic and weak. If you would be angry and leave the person you're with if they cheated on you, you should not do that to them either. Cheating shows a lack of self control, integrity, honesty, trustworthiness, and self-esteem. It really just states to the world that you cannot be trusted or respected. The cheater is always to blame for the cheating, never the person being cheated on or with. Everyone gets angry with the person who helped the cheater cheat, but that person doesn't owe anyone anything if they aren't in the relationship. Being in a relationship means you will be with only that person, not that person and everyone else who you think is looking at you as you walk across the street. It's time to either put up or shut up. Be in a relationship with one person, or be single.
Most people don't cheat, most people don't lack integrity, or respect, or self-esteem. Most people get into relationships because they want to be with one person only. So anyone who tells you everyone cheats is just saying that to confirm to themselves that what they're doing is right and acceptable. They need to say that not to tell you, but to tell themselves. It's a way for them to feel better about what they're doing, even though they know it's wrong. Cheaters never win. They end up in loveless marriages and relationships because while they were chasing tail, they missed out on finding a valuable relationship.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
You're a Mean Girl!
Ever since teen suicides have been making the papers because a teen has decided it wasn't worth it to live if they were being bullied, I have been getting more and more outraged. More mediums have come to fruition over the years for teens to be bullied. Facebook, twitter, and text messaging seem to be teens top choices for harassing other teens. What angers me is this was going on way before Facebook existed for high school students. When I was in school it was prank phone calls, fake instant messenger screen names, fake MySpace accounts, and fake Xanga accounts. This is nothing new, and the fact that parents seem to not know what their children are doing blows my mind.
When I was around thirteen or fourteen years old, girls would harass me on Xanga, and AOL Instant Messenger. They were so jealous and evil, they would claim I was talking shit about them, when I had never said a word. I was also friends with a girl who would add fuel to their fire by telling them I said and did things I hadn't done. I was given countless prank calls, and people would make up fake Xanga names and comment on my Xanga telling me how I was a whore, mind you I hadn't even kissed a boy yet. I wouldn't keep this inside, I always told my mother, and she used to be my biggest rock. She made sure I knew this wouldn't last and that these girls were just jealous of me.
Right at the beginning of my sophomore year of High School, I had gotten a phone call from a girl whom I was always frenemies with. Her boyfriend was on the bowling team with me, and she told me that I should stay away from him because she knows I showed him my underwear the year before. This was news to me! I had never ever once shown this person anything ever. She threatened to make my life hell if I even spoke to him. I told my mother about it, and how I was so upset, and she reminded me that if the girl did not think I was a threat to her she would have never called me to tell me such a thing. Every single day I had to pass this girl in the halls, and she would make comments, but I ignored her, and eventually she stopped.
For at least the first two years of my high school career, girls were so evil and nasty to me. I would cry my eyes out, and now those girls want to be my friend, and I don't hold against them the things they did to me when they were children, especially because I think they were just misguided. My mother trained me to have thick skin. Yes, words hurt tremendously, but they hold no merit. I knew I wasn't a whore or a slut or ugly or talking shit. I was fortunate to have a mother who made sure that as much as these girls beat me down, she would remind me that it wouldn't last because she had been there before herself.
When my mom was in middle school a girl, who used to be her friend, began harassing her. It increased every single day, and my mother would go home and cry to my nana. Eventually, my mother had enough of this girl, and went up to her one day while she was at her locker and beat the living crap out of the girl. My mother and the girl got suspended, and this girl never once spoke about my mother ever again. The girls mother, who I commend for this, told her daughter to knock off the shit and stop talking about my mother. Good parenting rule number one, your child should be held accountable for their actions. While I don't think violence is the answer, the point here was that this bullying thing is not new. Not only is it not new, but when it came down to it both my grandmother and this other mother understood their daughters were wrong and forced them to take responsibility for their mistakes.
I read about one girl who recently decided to end her life, and when the girls accused of bullying were arrested, the parents swore up and down their child was a good kid. That right there tells me the parents are neglectful and don't pay attention to what it is their child is doing. My mother always told me if she thought I was wrong she would hold me responsible. She never swept my behavior under the rug. When I was in first grade, these two girls were so nasty to me, and the one day my mother caught me sticking my tongue out and the girls, and my mother gave me what for. I knew this woman meant business. She made me apologize to the girls, and they wound up apologizing to me for being mean.
Parents are so oblivious to what their children do. It is unfortunate that the bullying issue has new mediums, but it comes down to the parents. A girl who got arrested recently for bullying was found to have a violent stepmother who was caught on tape punching nine and fourteen year old children. It starts at the base, and that's the parental support. What scares me too is the children who are being bullied not sharing it with their parents. My mother knew, because she was there to protect me. A parent is supposed to be someone you can go to and confide in, not hide from. Not everyone has that luxury, but I know more often than not parents want their children to confide in them, and they just don't.
What will stop this suicide craze is parents opening up to their children to have that line of communication open. I still confide in my mother, and I had one friend tell me how it was weird that I tell my mom 90% of what goes on in my life, but that's because my mother does not judge me, she supports me and when she thinks I am wrong, she will tell me whether I like it or not. I am eternally grateful for having a mother as wonderful as mine. I used to have friends come over my house and confide in my mother and seek her advice because they couldn't talk to their moms. She's good like that. The woman drives me absolutely insane, and when I was younger, she was crazy strict, but I'm not in rehab, I don't abuse drugs, I haven't been arrested, I have a college degree, a full time job, and I surround myself with happy well adjusted people. No parent is perfect, and they make mistakes, but their children should be able to tell them when they are being bullied, and be able to lift them out of that dark place, because trust me it never ever lasts, and I am proof of that. Countless girls were nasty and mean to me, and look now, they are a non factor in my life. They had no merit then, and they sure as hell do not have it now.
Bullying does not last, and if it is spiraling out of control, it is okay to remove your child from that school. This one girl was bullied by about 15 girls. That number is a lot to handle, and if I were a parent I would have removed my child from that school. I knew a girl who's mother took her out of school for a year because of bullying. In order to protect your child, you have to do what's necessary. I never had that many people bully me at once, but you better believe if I did my mother would have removed me from the situation. Suicide is a permanent end to a temporary problem. It solves nothing, but it hurts the ones that love you the most. How much more awareness do we need before this finally stops?
- Julie Catherine
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| Mean Girls |
Right at the beginning of my sophomore year of High School, I had gotten a phone call from a girl whom I was always frenemies with. Her boyfriend was on the bowling team with me, and she told me that I should stay away from him because she knows I showed him my underwear the year before. This was news to me! I had never ever once shown this person anything ever. She threatened to make my life hell if I even spoke to him. I told my mother about it, and how I was so upset, and she reminded me that if the girl did not think I was a threat to her she would have never called me to tell me such a thing. Every single day I had to pass this girl in the halls, and she would make comments, but I ignored her, and eventually she stopped.
For at least the first two years of my high school career, girls were so evil and nasty to me. I would cry my eyes out, and now those girls want to be my friend, and I don't hold against them the things they did to me when they were children, especially because I think they were just misguided. My mother trained me to have thick skin. Yes, words hurt tremendously, but they hold no merit. I knew I wasn't a whore or a slut or ugly or talking shit. I was fortunate to have a mother who made sure that as much as these girls beat me down, she would remind me that it wouldn't last because she had been there before herself.
When my mom was in middle school a girl, who used to be her friend, began harassing her. It increased every single day, and my mother would go home and cry to my nana. Eventually, my mother had enough of this girl, and went up to her one day while she was at her locker and beat the living crap out of the girl. My mother and the girl got suspended, and this girl never once spoke about my mother ever again. The girls mother, who I commend for this, told her daughter to knock off the shit and stop talking about my mother. Good parenting rule number one, your child should be held accountable for their actions. While I don't think violence is the answer, the point here was that this bullying thing is not new. Not only is it not new, but when it came down to it both my grandmother and this other mother understood their daughters were wrong and forced them to take responsibility for their mistakes.
I read about one girl who recently decided to end her life, and when the girls accused of bullying were arrested, the parents swore up and down their child was a good kid. That right there tells me the parents are neglectful and don't pay attention to what it is their child is doing. My mother always told me if she thought I was wrong she would hold me responsible. She never swept my behavior under the rug. When I was in first grade, these two girls were so nasty to me, and the one day my mother caught me sticking my tongue out and the girls, and my mother gave me what for. I knew this woman meant business. She made me apologize to the girls, and they wound up apologizing to me for being mean.
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| It happens to everyone. |
What will stop this suicide craze is parents opening up to their children to have that line of communication open. I still confide in my mother, and I had one friend tell me how it was weird that I tell my mom 90% of what goes on in my life, but that's because my mother does not judge me, she supports me and when she thinks I am wrong, she will tell me whether I like it or not. I am eternally grateful for having a mother as wonderful as mine. I used to have friends come over my house and confide in my mother and seek her advice because they couldn't talk to their moms. She's good like that. The woman drives me absolutely insane, and when I was younger, she was crazy strict, but I'm not in rehab, I don't abuse drugs, I haven't been arrested, I have a college degree, a full time job, and I surround myself with happy well adjusted people. No parent is perfect, and they make mistakes, but their children should be able to tell them when they are being bullied, and be able to lift them out of that dark place, because trust me it never ever lasts, and I am proof of that. Countless girls were nasty and mean to me, and look now, they are a non factor in my life. They had no merit then, and they sure as hell do not have it now.
Bullying does not last, and if it is spiraling out of control, it is okay to remove your child from that school. This one girl was bullied by about 15 girls. That number is a lot to handle, and if I were a parent I would have removed my child from that school. I knew a girl who's mother took her out of school for a year because of bullying. In order to protect your child, you have to do what's necessary. I never had that many people bully me at once, but you better believe if I did my mother would have removed me from the situation. Suicide is a permanent end to a temporary problem. It solves nothing, but it hurts the ones that love you the most. How much more awareness do we need before this finally stops?
- Julie Catherine
Friday, October 18, 2013
Age Ain't Nothin' but a Number.
For years, I thought my life would be just like my mothers, and that I would be married at 23. I am now 24, and I don't have a boyfriend, or any prospects for that matter. I always thought that would bother me, but I still feel so young, and that I have so much more to accomplish before that happens. A few girls I know are already married, and have been married since 22 or 23 years old. I personally think they settled for this life. They still live in my town, in their crappy homes, with their dinky wedding rings. I feel like I can't settle for that same life style.
One thing my mother always told me was that if a man cannot afford to by you a nice ring of at least three carats, you're not ready to be married. You can't afford a wedding, or a house, or babies. My parents impress upon me the importance of building my life, building my brand, so that when I do get married I can pay for my wedding, and I can have my honeymoon, and I can have my house, and I can start my family. So many people just rush into it, and that's just not my goal. I want to establish myself first before I begin to worry about being with someone else.
It hurt me for a while that everyone around me was getting married, and having babies, and now I realize that I cannot compare their lives to my own. We are on two different paths, were not in the same bracket at all. The reason I chose not to become a teacher, after completing everything I was supposed to, was because something told me I could do more. There was something else out there. I feel that about every aspect of my life. Something bigger is waiting for me. Things I cannot even imagine are just waiting for me to find them.
Don't get me wrong, I want to be married, and have babies, and grow my family, but that will all happen on it's own. My mother told me that when the time is right, the right man will present himself to me. It's not something I think anyone should be rushing. I know a lot of girls who just run into marriage, and I hear that they have gotten divorced after just a few years. I think so many people fear being lonely, that they will marry someone, or have a baby with someone, who is totally wrong. No one is ever alone. You are surrounded by people who love you, and by claiming you're lonely is a slap in all those peoples faces. You are devaluing their presence in your life. Count your blessings.
Everyone's life takes it's own course, but there's nothing wrong with just worrying about yourself. I knew a girl who ended a relationship, and I told her to be selfish for a while and worry about herself, and she told me she's not a selfish person. I wanted to slap her. It's not about being selfish selfish, its about putting yourself first, and not acting so incredibly desperate that you just jump from relationship to relationship. People can smell the desperation on a person, and when you present that desperation, they take advantage of you, and you don't find the right person, you find the scumbags. Desperation sends off a terrible vibe, and no one likes to be around someone who is desperate.
At 24, I am not married, engaged, or in a relationship, and that is PERFECTLY OK. I know that everything happens and unfolds in its own time. Things happen the way they are meant to. Age is nothing but a number. Some people don't get married till they're thirty, I hope that isn't the case for me personally, but it happens. Thirty is the new twenty in my eyes. So just enjoy your time worrying about yourself. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself before you worry about anyone else!
- Julie Catherine.
One thing my mother always told me was that if a man cannot afford to by you a nice ring of at least three carats, you're not ready to be married. You can't afford a wedding, or a house, or babies. My parents impress upon me the importance of building my life, building my brand, so that when I do get married I can pay for my wedding, and I can have my honeymoon, and I can have my house, and I can start my family. So many people just rush into it, and that's just not my goal. I want to establish myself first before I begin to worry about being with someone else.
It hurt me for a while that everyone around me was getting married, and having babies, and now I realize that I cannot compare their lives to my own. We are on two different paths, were not in the same bracket at all. The reason I chose not to become a teacher, after completing everything I was supposed to, was because something told me I could do more. There was something else out there. I feel that about every aspect of my life. Something bigger is waiting for me. Things I cannot even imagine are just waiting for me to find them.
Don't get me wrong, I want to be married, and have babies, and grow my family, but that will all happen on it's own. My mother told me that when the time is right, the right man will present himself to me. It's not something I think anyone should be rushing. I know a lot of girls who just run into marriage, and I hear that they have gotten divorced after just a few years. I think so many people fear being lonely, that they will marry someone, or have a baby with someone, who is totally wrong. No one is ever alone. You are surrounded by people who love you, and by claiming you're lonely is a slap in all those peoples faces. You are devaluing their presence in your life. Count your blessings.
Everyone's life takes it's own course, but there's nothing wrong with just worrying about yourself. I knew a girl who ended a relationship, and I told her to be selfish for a while and worry about herself, and she told me she's not a selfish person. I wanted to slap her. It's not about being selfish selfish, its about putting yourself first, and not acting so incredibly desperate that you just jump from relationship to relationship. People can smell the desperation on a person, and when you present that desperation, they take advantage of you, and you don't find the right person, you find the scumbags. Desperation sends off a terrible vibe, and no one likes to be around someone who is desperate.
At 24, I am not married, engaged, or in a relationship, and that is PERFECTLY OK. I know that everything happens and unfolds in its own time. Things happen the way they are meant to. Age is nothing but a number. Some people don't get married till they're thirty, I hope that isn't the case for me personally, but it happens. Thirty is the new twenty in my eyes. So just enjoy your time worrying about yourself. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself before you worry about anyone else!
- Julie Catherine.
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