You're a Mean Girl!

Ever since teen suicides have been making the papers because a teen has decided it wasn't worth it to live if they were being bullied, I have been getting more and more outraged. More mediums have come to fruition over the years for teens to be bullied. Facebook, twitter, and text messaging seem to be teens top choices for harassing other teens. What angers me is this was going on way before Facebook existed for high school students. When I was in school it was prank phone calls, fake instant messenger screen names, fake MySpace accounts, and fake Xanga accounts. This is nothing new, and the fact that parents seem to not know what their children are doing blows my mind.

Mean Girls

When I was around thirteen or fourteen years old, girls would harass me on Xanga, and AOL Instant Messenger. They were so jealous and evil, they would claim I was talking shit about them, when I had never said a word. I was also friends with a girl who would add fuel to their fire by telling them I said and did things I hadn't done. I was given countless prank calls, and people would make up fake Xanga names and comment on my Xanga telling me how I was a whore, mind you I hadn't even kissed a boy yet. I wouldn't keep this inside, I always told my mother, and she used to be my biggest rock. She made sure I knew this wouldn't last and that these girls were just jealous of me.

Right at the beginning of my sophomore year of High School, I had gotten a phone call from a girl whom I was always frenemies with. Her boyfriend was on the bowling team with me, and she told me that I should stay away from him because she knows I showed him my underwear the year before. This was news to me! I had never ever once shown this person anything ever. She threatened to make my life hell if I even spoke to him. I told my mother about it, and how I was so upset, and she reminded me that if the girl did not think I was a threat to her she would have never called me to tell me such a thing. Every single day I had to pass this girl in the halls, and she would make comments, but I ignored her, and eventually she stopped.

 

For at least the first two years of my high school career, girls were so evil and nasty to me. I would cry my eyes out, and now those girls want to be my friend, and I don't hold against them the things they did to me when they were children, especially because I think they were just misguided. My mother trained me to have thick skin. Yes, words hurt tremendously, but they hold no merit. I knew I wasn't a whore or a slut or ugly or talking shit. I was fortunate to have a mother who made sure that as much as these girls beat me down, she would remind me that it wouldn't last because she had been there before herself.

When my mom was in middle school a girl, who used to be her friend, began harassing her. It increased every single day, and my mother would go home and cry to my nana. Eventually, my mother had enough of this girl, and went up to her one day while she was at her locker and beat the living crap out of the girl. My mother and the girl got suspended, and this girl never once spoke about my mother ever again. The girls mother, who I commend for this, told her daughter to knock off the shit and stop talking about my mother. Good parenting rule number one, your child should be held accountable for their actions. While I don't think violence is the answer, the point here was that this bullying thing is not new. Not only is it not new, but when it came down to it both my grandmother and this other mother understood their daughters were wrong and forced them to take responsibility for their mistakes.

I read about one girl who recently decided to end her life, and when the girls accused of bullying were arrested, the parents swore up and down their child was a good kid. That right there tells me the parents are neglectful and don't pay attention to what it is their child is doing. My mother always told me if she thought I was wrong she would hold me responsible. She never swept my behavior under the rug. When I was in first grade, these two girls were so nasty to me, and the one day my mother caught me sticking my tongue out and the girls, and my mother gave me what for. I knew this woman meant business. She made me apologize to the girls, and they wound up apologizing to me for being mean.

It happens to everyone.

Parents are so oblivious to what their children do. It is unfortunate that the bullying issue has new mediums, but it comes down to the parents. A girl who got arrested recently for bullying was found to have a violent stepmother who was caught on tape punching nine and fourteen year old children. It starts at the base, and that's the parental support. What scares me too is the children who are being bullied not sharing it with their parents. My mother knew, because she was there to protect me. A parent is supposed to be someone you can go to and confide in, not hide from. Not everyone has that luxury, but I know more often than not parents want their children to confide in them, and they just don't.

What will stop this suicide craze is parents opening up to their children to have that line of communication open. I still confide in my mother, and I had one friend tell me how it was weird that I tell my mom 90% of what goes on in my life, but that's because my mother does not judge me, she supports me and when she thinks I am wrong, she will tell me whether I like it or not. I am eternally grateful for having a mother as wonderful as mine. I used to have friends come over my house and confide in my mother and seek her advice because they couldn't talk to their moms. She's good like that. The woman drives me absolutely insane, and when I was younger, she was crazy strict, but I'm not in rehab, I don't abuse drugs, I haven't been arrested, I have a college degree, a full time job, and I surround myself with happy well adjusted people. No parent is perfect, and they make mistakes, but their children should be able to tell them when they are being bullied, and be able to lift them out of that dark place, because trust me it never ever lasts, and I am proof of that. Countless girls were nasty and mean to me, and look now, they are a non factor in my life. They had no merit then, and they sure as hell do not have it now.

Bullying does not last, and if it is spiraling out of control, it is okay to remove your child from that school. This one girl was bullied by about 15 girls. That number is a lot to handle, and if I were a parent I would have removed my child from that school. I knew a girl who's mother took her out of school for a year because of bullying. In order to protect your child, you have to do what's necessary. I never had that many people bully me at once, but you better believe if I did my mother would have removed me from the situation. Suicide is a permanent end to a temporary problem. It solves nothing, but it hurts the ones that love you the most. How much more awareness do we need before this finally stops?

- Julie Catherine