Wearing Your Heart like a Stolen Dream.

Where to begin...

Well, this is a special post I am making today, and I want to be as honest as possible, without revealing too much. I've always had it easy in the love department. I know how to be single and independent  but I also now how to be a great girlfriend. I have had three boyfriends in my life. My first was when I was thirteen and he lasted on and off till I was fifteen, and then we went out separate ways. He did come back here and there when I was single at times, but it would never last. Then, my second boyfriend came when I was sixteen, and we lasted till shortly after I turned seventeen. He was the first one to cheat on me, and he was the first one to break my heart. My first boyfriend was faithful and kind to me, my second boyfriend was kind, but not as kind as my first. He cheated a lot, and he broke up with me after I saw a post on Myspace with his now wife. I was happy they got married, but he was a total chicken shit for not being upfront about being with someone else.

Then, after my second boyfriend, I dated others for about a year, and then when I was eighteen I began to date my last boyfriend. A lot went wrong in this relationship, and he cheated on me throughout the whole thing. I'm sure there were times he was faithful, but he couldn't stay faithful for long. It ripped my heart apart because I know I was an excellent girlfriend. He even told me, but he just couldn't stay faithful, so I had to leave. There comes a point where you've just had enough. I had my fill of it all, and walked away. We tried to rekindle it, but it was just not clicking anymore. I walked away for good, and I haven't looked back. Once damage has been done over and over again, you're just left with nothing.

I dated others after him, all loser rejects. One guy lied about his entire life, told me he was a nurse at a children's hospital, but was actually a Per Diem security guard. Told me he had no girlfriend, which he did, and she turns out the money he used to pay for our dates was actually her money. Once I found out the truth, I told him he was disgusting, and cut him out. Then my best friend, Nicole, came over with an Easter Bunny full of Ferraro Roche. That was a wonderful surprise, made the day so much better.

Then, the next jerk came along. He was a butter face. He had a nice body, but his face wasn't that great. He was 27 and still living off mommy and daddy with no job, I only found this out later. So he would talk to me now and then, and one day he asked me over to a BBQ at his house his sister was throwing. I had a great time. Then, somehow, the next day, it came up about how I pride myself on being the girl that guys take home to meet their parents and their family, not the girl they just hook up with, I stick by my morals, and that will never change. He told me that he wouldn't date me because he only dates "dimes" relationship wise. 1)Why the hell are you saying dimes at 27 years old, and are being serious about it. 2)I'm not a dime, I am a woman, and I am absolutely stunning, so you're right you couldn't date me anyway, totally beneath me.

I still didn't give up, one last jerk came along, and he was Italian. I LOVE Italian men. My goal is to find my own Joey Gorga. He could flirt with me for days, and I saw him occasionally during summer. He spoke to me here and there. One day, we were at Surf Club, and he was being really sweet, bought me a drink, and then randomly disappeared. Two weeks later, he had a girlfriend and threw me off guard. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't invested, but just randomly disappearing and cutting me off like I'm some jerk wasn't very gentlemanly.

I kind of threw my hands up, and decided to give up. I had had enough. Every where I turned I was running into total losers. I decided then on I wanted to focus on myself, and not be concerned with anyone, but myself. Call it selfish, but I just got tired. I know my worth, and I won't let it be cheapened  I know what I deserve and the way I deserve to be treated. Then, one day I was minding my own business, when this guy just casually walked into my life. My little black heart began to melt. Things moved along, quite quickly, but with that said, he seemed very interested in me. He called me once or twice, hung out with me, and seemed like he actually liked me. I like him. Then, things got weird. He talked to me less and less, and began to hang out with me less and less. I started to feel like I was moving on one path, and then the path switched. I started to feel like a booty call. I don't do booty calls. If I was his girlfriend, I'd be about it all day, but I want to be treated a certain way. Wine me, dine me, make me feel like I'm important, and I'll take care of you. Things began to switch on me, and it made me feel pretty low. I never have been a booty call. I never want to be. So why would I ever let someone turn me into one? I wouldn't. I know my worth.

Only after what seems close to a month did he explain that work, holidays, and family got hectic. Look, let me be clear. I am all about working hard. I just called out of work for the first time ever, and it was only because I was seriously ill. I then made up for it by coming in on my day off. I appreciate hard workers. Family, I totally get. I have Sunday dinners with mine, and I spend as much time with my family as I can. So I get that. Holidays, that's slightly understandable, but not as critical as work and family. Here's where I draw my line though, a simple phone call or a text message to ask me how I'm doing with maybe a little pet name like beautiful thrown in there takes all of two seconds. I know I'm a talker, but I would understand if I get a five minute phone call just to make me feel like I'm not some jerk off. He says I'm not just a booty call, but if I'm not, why doesn't he ask me on a date, even if it's just to grab a drink. Why can't he call me for just a few moments, why can't he text me? He once messaged me and said "Good Morning Beautiful", and I remembered that, because that was something that a girl who isn't a booty call gets. It's the little things that matter. Just acknowledge me.

I understand life gets in the way, and I'm not about to have my readers think I'm being selfish because I'm far from it. I just don't think taking just a few moments to say hi, how are you really takes a lot. And I get I can't see him all the time. Totally understand that, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't get to see him at all. Maybe, I'm missing another piece of this puzzle, I don't know. All I know is that this is frustrating. A co-worker of mine told me the other day, "Don't worry, filet mignon doesn't sit on the shelf for very long." It really stuck with me, and made me feel like even when I feel low, that I'm still worth a hell of a lot.

FILET MIGNON =]

Ask, Believe, Receive,

Julie Catherine

Merry Christmas!

How politically incorrect of me to say Merry Christmas, oh well. It was an interesting Christmas to say the least. It was defiantly a Christmas to remember that's for sure, and it all began Sunday night,

I went to my friend, Ashley's, house on Sunday afternoon and we began our thousand hours of baking cupcakes, cookies, and brownies for our coworkers. Before we started, we ordered sushi for lunch, and then began our cooking. Hours went by, we listened to Lady Gaga, and danced around. I decorated the cupcakes and left around 11. At around three am, I woke up out of a dead sleep, and had to run to the bathroom so I could throw up. It ran like clock work for hours. At six am, Ashley asked me if I was sick too, and it occurred to us that the only thing we ate in common was the sushi for lunch, it dawned on us then that we had food poisoning... on Christmas Eve. GREAT!

I got up to get ready for work, and kept throwing up. It was misery. I was shaking and shivering and in so much pain. I initially told my boss that I was going to be late, but as I got up to leave the house, I had to run to the bathroom to vomit, and I realized that this was not going to work. I had to call out, and let me tell you that was hard to do. I never ever call out. I work through fevers, colds, anything and everything, but this time I knew I really couldn't make it. I stayed in bed all day, and at around five I chose to go to my aunts house. It was BRUTAL. Not only did I feel like death, but I had to play these games she makes up, and I fought all I could not to vomit on her carpet. After what felt like forever, my parents finally packed up and we went home. I went to bed as soon as I got in the house, and I was still in so much pain.

I woke up Christmas day at five am with my stomach still hurting so much. My neck, head, abs, and back are so sore. My stomach was so sore, but I managed to get out of bed at 7:30 to go open Santa presents. I was a good girl this year. Everything on my list I got. I am so blessed to have parents who work so hard and want nothing more than to give to my sister and I.

Only a small portion of my pile

My Milani Triple threat curling iron. It's amazing!

A pretty ceramic fountain Santa Claus thought I'd like!

My delicious new perfume, Prada Candy. It smells amazing.

My gorgeous white gold cross. It's so pretty and tiny I love it.

After we opened our Santa presents, I gave my sister the gift I got for her. About two weeks ago, I bought her tickets to see Luke Bryan. I got her floor seats to see her absolute favorite singer. When I handed her the box, it was in a Lord and Taylor box, and that threw her off. When she opened it up, and realized what it was, I began to cry. I was so happy I could make my sister so happy. It was really the greatest moment of it all.

After this, my family and I ate dinner and headed to my Nana's house. It was interesting, it was the first year having Christmas without my uncle. We all went about our business, but there was something missing. I felt a little uncomfortable and awkward, like we were out of balance. There's a few other reasons for me to think that, but his passing is the main one. Anyway, I had a nice time there, and left after about two hours since my dad and I both have work tomorrow. I had a wonderful Christmas, minus being insanely ill. There's a piece of me that wishes I could have shared this with someone, and it does bother me, but I know one day that person will be here to share it with me. No rush. All in good time. I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas, and got to spend it with the ones they love the most.

Ask, Believe, Receive,

Julie Catherine

Took Me Long Enough...

Well, I haven't posted since last Tuesday, and I pray I haven't lost my hype. I switched to full time and work and was busy studying for my last final ever! It's pretty wild, I never thought I would finish, but here I am. Just need to wait for that diploma in the mail.. which supposedly comes in March. Cool.. sense the sarcasm.

I'm loving working full time because I love being on a set schedule. I love constancy and organization. Everyday after work, either I go to Ashley's for dinner and the gym in her complex, or I go home and go to my gym. I've been slacking big time. Back in October I was so focused on working out that nothing could get in my way. This slowly faded as I had to write and develop my 40 page screenplay. I haven't eaten badly, but I slip up here and there through out the day. Today I ate so well, then I ate some Reese's, and then I ate a pastry, but other than that I've been a good girl, and I'm going to the gym after I post this.

The holidays make it impossible to not eat junk, I try to taste everything, and eat nothing. I want to still enjoy it without hating myself later. It's always the candy that gets me because, honestly, I HATE chocolate, except Reese's Christmas trees. Only candy I eat, and it only happens once a year. I've had ex boyfriends get me chocolate and I act excited, but I throw it out or give it away I can't stand it. Get me a bag of pretzels and some laughing cow cheese and I'm good. I guess that's why I never have an issue when it's that time of the month, I could care less.

Anyway, I need to get back to the place I was in back in October, physically, emotionally, and romantically. BAH HUMBUG! Yes, that just happened. I know things will swing back into shape, but I am incredibly impatient, and I get annoyed easily. This place in my life is wild right now. Christmas is almost here, I have a full time job, finishing my school, and wondering what to do with my career. I have so many opportunities at my feet, I couldn't tell you where it is I want to go. I just need to take it one day at a time, and right now I am just pumped for Christmas. I was a good girl all year, and I'm sure Santa won't disappoint!

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas!

Ask, Believe, Receive,
Julie Catherine

The End of an Era, Adios to the RUT

On this day, December 11th, 2012, I am officially done with Rutgers University. This is most likely the proudest day in my life, thus far. I have dealt with RU screw after RU screw and I am so grateful to finally be done. Tomorrow I start working full time, which I am happy about, even though it's not anything to do with my degree. I am going to focus on making blogging a full time job as well. Best way to be published is by yourself!

So today, in an accidental celebration, I went to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. As soon as I got out of class, I ran back home, picked up my mom and sister, and went right to the train station. The train ride was painful. I love my mother dearly, she's my mommy, but my god does she complain and worry a lot. And I wonder where I get it from. We got into the city and right before Radio City, we all stopped for a dirty water dog. I do NOT condone eating street meat, and I have NEVER eaten it before in my life, but I can now say I knocked it off of my bucket list. I won't ever eat a hot dog off the street ever again.

We got into Radio City, and of course my mom and sister start arguing, so I headed right for the wine. I bought a white wine and it came with this super cute cup. I love it. We went to our seats and sat down waiting for the show to start. I love every minute of it, it was a wonderful show, and I recommend it to anyone. I haven't been to the show since I was about six years old, and I have no memory, so this was nice to get to see it and actually remember it.

After the show, we headed to a restaurant called Un Deux Trois, which was to die for French food. I ordered a pre fixe menu, which included, lobster bisque, quiche Lorraine, and yummy lemon sorbet. It was so good. I also had to order a mimosa, ya know, because I was celebrating and all. When we left, we went to see the tree, which I had never seen before. When we got to the tree, after my mother complained the whole way there, it was wonderful. There is no one in the world I would have wanted to see it with more than my baby sister. That made me so happy.

So I kind of forgot to mention, I was talking at lunch about how I really wanted to buy a pair of Christian Louboutins, which again is strictly for celebration purposes. I kept bugging my mother about it, and eventually I got her to walk to Saks Fifth Ave, which happens to be right by the tree. I went in the store with such a purpose. I briskly walked to the elevator, and quickly walked out as soon as I got to the eighth floor, designer shoes. I walked right over to the Louboutin section, it was like I knew where I was, even though I had never been to this floor before. I wanted black patent leather daffodil 160mm pumps. Sadly, they were out of stock. So, I wasn't ready to give up. I had her pull out 120mm pumps, peep toe and closed toe. The peep toe were matte leather, and the closed toe were the patent leather. I tried on the patent leather, and they were way to big. Louboutins run small, so you have to go up a half size or a whole size. I wear an eight and the patent leather was a nine. No bueno. The peep toes, I put on, and it was like Cinderella put on her glass slipper. They fit like a glove. I stood up in them, and said to the sales associate, "That's it, I'll take it!" She rang me up, NY tax and all, and I walked out of that store the happiest girl in the world. Whoever said money can't buy you happiness just didn't know where to shop.

We walked back to the train shortly after and headed home. I immediately came in my house, put my shoes on, and they have stayed on for the last two hours. I am so proud of myself for the last five years, not just for school, but for all the crap that was sent my way that I just crushed like it was nothing. These shoes represent that for me. I am beyond elated with myself for being the strong woman I am today, thanks to the last five years. AMEN THAT I AM ON TO A NEW CHAPTER!

Ask, Believe, Receive
Julie Catherine

Hopeless Romantic in Jersey

I've always seen myself as a housewife, after I have my children of course, taking care of my family and my husband. I want a beautiful, happy, healthy, loving marriage and family. I'm 23 and it's not like I expire soon, but I don't think it's unacceptable for that to be my goal. I want the sexy husband and the hot marital sex that produces gorgeous babies. Why should I be ashamed of that?

I'm well educated, and I easily take care of myself. I'm fit and in shape for myself, and I dress up cause I like being my own personal barbie doll. I read books like a total nerd, I enjoy hockey like no other, I can play softball, baseball, mow a lawn, spackle a wall, lay down mulch, take out the trash, and I can cook like I should have my own show on the Food Network. I know I have a lot going for me, I can be a bit annoying cause I talk entirely too much, but if you don't like it, you don't have to listen.

Sometimes I just want to be swept off my feet and have my damn socks knocked off. I wanna be loved unconditionally and treated like someones princess. When I say princess I don't mean spoiled with things. I wanna be protected and romanced like no other. I want roses covered in glitter, chocolate covered strawberries, amazing conversation, and hot sex. Is this asking too much? I won't settle for anything less than the best and what I deserve.

I know I have my flaws, like I said before I'm annoying. I know I talk too much. It's what makes me who I am though. I'm very sensitive and I want everyone to like me and be nice to me at all times. My feelings get hurt very easily. I just want to hear, "Hey, that's okay! You're still amazing the way you are." I doubt I'm reaching here.

What kills me these days though is there's so many thirsty chicks that want a man for his money or sex. I  want a man, not a little boy. These girls hop on these tables like bottle rats and act like trash bags, but wonder why they are deemed thirsty. HMM? Time to get your life together. I don't think having the high standards that I have should be seen as thirsty. I think it should be seen as a respectable woman who is someone mommy and daddy will adore.

So my question is, can I be swept off my feet? Can I get a little romance? I'm not an overly romantic person, but I am thoughtful, and if you tell me you like something once, I'll go out and get it just to see you smile. I feel more than I show because I'm terrified of rejection. I just want my doubt to disappear and I want to be fully faithful in the fact that I deserve sparks, butterflies, fireworks, and actual honest real love.

Ask, Believe, Receive
Julie Catherine

This, That, and the Third.

Over the years I have developed my own language. I noticed a lot of people either copy it, or they think its endearing. If they don't like it, it just means they're selfish and they can't be trusted. This post was inspired when my mom pointed out that she can say any of my phrases, and people will know that she is imitating me. So here is my personal dictionary:

Shiz- Ex: What the shiz was that?
I use this instead of shit a lot. I like saying shiz, keeps things funky.
Clearly- Ex: Clearly, you're a hot mess.
I use clearly multiple times a day, it kinda comes out like word vomit now. It has really become a filler for not knowing what else to say.
Shit ton-  Ex: That's a shit ton of money.
I have no idea how I started saying this, nor do I know what the value behind a shit ton is, I just know it's a lot.
Amaze/Amazeballs- Ex: That's so amaze. I had an amazeballs time.
I stole this from Perez Hilton about two years ago. I don't say amazeballs so much anymore cause it just sounds creepy, but I say amaze all the time.
Wait, What?- Ex: So do you want to get a catscan? Wait, what?
This is how you know if I either didn't quite catch what you said, or I was not even paying attention. I say this so much I didn't notice I said it till I was being teased for saying it. I still say it cause I know no better.
Brat- Ex: You're being such a brat.
Instead of calling people mean names, I'll just call you a brat to be more nice, but you most likely hurt my feelings and I don't want to say so.
Selfish- Ex: Ugh, you're so selfish.
You may actually not be selfish at all, but I just didn't like nor care for what you did or said so therefore you will be called selfish.
We're not friends- Ex: Exactly what is says, but when you say it, you must clap between each word. Gets the point across.
I decided to let someone know I did not like them cause they were mean to me, so I looked at them, said this, and clapped my hands. They got the point.
Really?- Ex: Really? you're gonna behave that way?
I got this from the YouTube video, Shit Girlfriends Say, I say it all the time. Either I am exaggerating it to be funny, or I'm being dead serious and you were just being a selfish brat.
Das Ett- Ex: This dress looks so sexy on me, dasss etttttt
I got this from Maurica, a transsexual from the Lower East Side. It's a YouTube video called Love Match Maurica. I say this anytime something good happens to me.

I'm sure I have much more that I say, but these phrases are commonly heard coming out of my mouth. I catch everyone around me saying them cause I'm such a magnificent influence on those around me. I say these things frequently and I figured before I go any farther in my blogging, I'd enlighten my readers so you all could understand me better. Either it is seen as funny and witty, or ignorant and stupid. If you feel the latter, you take life entirely too seriously and my blog is not for you. If you feel it is funny and witty, I'm sure you're a fabulous person and you deserve a cookie for understanding my quirks. I crack myself up. Tis all.

Ask, Believe, Receive,
Julie Catherine