Well, this is a special post I am making today, and I want to be as honest as possible, without revealing too much. I've always had it easy in the love department. I know how to be single and independent but I also now how to be a great girlfriend. I have had three boyfriends in my life. My first was when I was thirteen and he lasted on and off till I was fifteen, and then we went out separate ways. He did come back here and there when I was single at times, but it would never last. Then, my second boyfriend came when I was sixteen, and we lasted till shortly after I turned seventeen. He was the first one to cheat on me, and he was the first one to break my heart. My first boyfriend was faithful and kind to me, my second boyfriend was kind, but not as kind as my first. He cheated a lot, and he broke up with me after I saw a post on Myspace with his now wife. I was happy they got married, but he was a total chicken shit for not being upfront about being with someone else.
Then, after my second boyfriend, I dated others for about a year, and then when I was eighteen I began to date my last boyfriend. A lot went wrong in this relationship, and he cheated on me throughout the whole thing. I'm sure there were times he was faithful, but he couldn't stay faithful for long. It ripped my heart apart because I know I was an excellent girlfriend. He even told me, but he just couldn't stay faithful, so I had to leave. There comes a point where you've just had enough. I had my fill of it all, and walked away. We tried to rekindle it, but it was just not clicking anymore. I walked away for good, and I haven't looked back. Once damage has been done over and over again, you're just left with nothing.
I dated others after him, all loser rejects. One guy lied about his entire life, told me he was a nurse at a children's hospital, but was actually a Per Diem security guard. Told me he had no girlfriend, which he did, and she turns out the money he used to pay for our dates was actually her money. Once I found out the truth, I told him he was disgusting, and cut him out. Then my best friend, Nicole, came over with an Easter Bunny full of Ferraro Roche. That was a wonderful surprise, made the day so much better.
Then, the next jerk came along. He was a butter face. He had a nice body, but his face wasn't that great. He was 27 and still living off mommy and daddy with no job, I only found this out later. So he would talk to me now and then, and one day he asked me over to a BBQ at his house his sister was throwing. I had a great time. Then, somehow, the next day, it came up about how I pride myself on being the girl that guys take home to meet their parents and their family, not the girl they just hook up with, I stick by my morals, and that will never change. He told me that he wouldn't date me because he only dates "dimes" relationship wise. 1)Why the hell are you saying dimes at 27 years old, and are being serious about it. 2)I'm not a dime, I am a woman, and I am absolutely stunning, so you're right you couldn't date me anyway, totally beneath me.
I still didn't give up, one last jerk came along, and he was Italian. I LOVE Italian men. My goal is to find my own Joey Gorga. He could flirt with me for days, and I saw him occasionally during summer. He spoke to me here and there. One day, we were at Surf Club, and he was being really sweet, bought me a drink, and then randomly disappeared. Two weeks later, he had a girlfriend and threw me off guard. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't invested, but just randomly disappearing and cutting me off like I'm some jerk wasn't very gentlemanly.
I kind of threw my hands up, and decided to give up. I had had enough. Every where I turned I was running into total losers. I decided then on I wanted to focus on myself, and not be concerned with anyone, but myself. Call it selfish, but I just got tired. I know my worth, and I won't let it be cheapened I know what I deserve and the way I deserve to be treated. Then, one day I was minding my own business, when this guy just casually walked into my life. My little black heart began to melt. Things moved along, quite quickly, but with that said, he seemed very interested in me. He called me once or twice, hung out with me, and seemed like he actually liked me. I like him. Then, things got weird. He talked to me less and less, and began to hang out with me less and less. I started to feel like I was moving on one path, and then the path switched. I started to feel like a booty call. I don't do booty calls. If I was his girlfriend, I'd be about it all day, but I want to be treated a certain way. Wine me, dine me, make me feel like I'm important, and I'll take care of you. Things began to switch on me, and it made me feel pretty low. I never have been a booty call. I never want to be. So why would I ever let someone turn me into one? I wouldn't. I know my worth.
Only after what seems close to a month did he explain that work, holidays, and family got hectic. Look, let me be clear. I am all about working hard. I just called out of work for the first time ever, and it was only because I was seriously ill. I then made up for it by coming in on my day off. I appreciate hard workers. Family, I totally get. I have Sunday dinners with mine, and I spend as much time with my family as I can. So I get that. Holidays, that's slightly understandable, but not as critical as work and family. Here's where I draw my line though, a simple phone call or a text message to ask me how I'm doing with maybe a little pet name like beautiful thrown in there takes all of two seconds. I know I'm a talker, but I would understand if I get a five minute phone call just to make me feel like I'm not some jerk off. He says I'm not just a booty call, but if I'm not, why doesn't he ask me on a date, even if it's just to grab a drink. Why can't he call me for just a few moments, why can't he text me? He once messaged me and said "Good Morning Beautiful", and I remembered that, because that was something that a girl who isn't a booty call gets. It's the little things that matter. Just acknowledge me.
I understand life gets in the way, and I'm not about to have my readers think I'm being selfish because I'm far from it. I just don't think taking just a few moments to say hi, how are you really takes a lot. And I get I can't see him all the time. Totally understand that, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't get to see him at all. Maybe, I'm missing another piece of this puzzle, I don't know. All I know is that this is frustrating. A co-worker of mine told me the other day, "Don't worry, filet mignon doesn't sit on the shelf for very long." It really stuck with me, and made me feel like even when I feel low, that I'm still worth a hell of a lot.
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| FILET MIGNON =] |
Julie Catherine
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