You're a Mean Girl!

Ever since teen suicides have been making the papers because a teen has decided it wasn't worth it to live if they were being bullied, I have been getting more and more outraged. More mediums have come to fruition over the years for teens to be bullied. Facebook, twitter, and text messaging seem to be teens top choices for harassing other teens. What angers me is this was going on way before Facebook existed for high school students. When I was in school it was prank phone calls, fake instant messenger screen names, fake MySpace accounts, and fake Xanga accounts. This is nothing new, and the fact that parents seem to not know what their children are doing blows my mind.

Mean Girls

When I was around thirteen or fourteen years old, girls would harass me on Xanga, and AOL Instant Messenger. They were so jealous and evil, they would claim I was talking shit about them, when I had never said a word. I was also friends with a girl who would add fuel to their fire by telling them I said and did things I hadn't done. I was given countless prank calls, and people would make up fake Xanga names and comment on my Xanga telling me how I was a whore, mind you I hadn't even kissed a boy yet. I wouldn't keep this inside, I always told my mother, and she used to be my biggest rock. She made sure I knew this wouldn't last and that these girls were just jealous of me.

Right at the beginning of my sophomore year of High School, I had gotten a phone call from a girl whom I was always frenemies with. Her boyfriend was on the bowling team with me, and she told me that I should stay away from him because she knows I showed him my underwear the year before. This was news to me! I had never ever once shown this person anything ever. She threatened to make my life hell if I even spoke to him. I told my mother about it, and how I was so upset, and she reminded me that if the girl did not think I was a threat to her she would have never called me to tell me such a thing. Every single day I had to pass this girl in the halls, and she would make comments, but I ignored her, and eventually she stopped.

 

For at least the first two years of my high school career, girls were so evil and nasty to me. I would cry my eyes out, and now those girls want to be my friend, and I don't hold against them the things they did to me when they were children, especially because I think they were just misguided. My mother trained me to have thick skin. Yes, words hurt tremendously, but they hold no merit. I knew I wasn't a whore or a slut or ugly or talking shit. I was fortunate to have a mother who made sure that as much as these girls beat me down, she would remind me that it wouldn't last because she had been there before herself.

When my mom was in middle school a girl, who used to be her friend, began harassing her. It increased every single day, and my mother would go home and cry to my nana. Eventually, my mother had enough of this girl, and went up to her one day while she was at her locker and beat the living crap out of the girl. My mother and the girl got suspended, and this girl never once spoke about my mother ever again. The girls mother, who I commend for this, told her daughter to knock off the shit and stop talking about my mother. Good parenting rule number one, your child should be held accountable for their actions. While I don't think violence is the answer, the point here was that this bullying thing is not new. Not only is it not new, but when it came down to it both my grandmother and this other mother understood their daughters were wrong and forced them to take responsibility for their mistakes.

I read about one girl who recently decided to end her life, and when the girls accused of bullying were arrested, the parents swore up and down their child was a good kid. That right there tells me the parents are neglectful and don't pay attention to what it is their child is doing. My mother always told me if she thought I was wrong she would hold me responsible. She never swept my behavior under the rug. When I was in first grade, these two girls were so nasty to me, and the one day my mother caught me sticking my tongue out and the girls, and my mother gave me what for. I knew this woman meant business. She made me apologize to the girls, and they wound up apologizing to me for being mean.

It happens to everyone.

Parents are so oblivious to what their children do. It is unfortunate that the bullying issue has new mediums, but it comes down to the parents. A girl who got arrested recently for bullying was found to have a violent stepmother who was caught on tape punching nine and fourteen year old children. It starts at the base, and that's the parental support. What scares me too is the children who are being bullied not sharing it with their parents. My mother knew, because she was there to protect me. A parent is supposed to be someone you can go to and confide in, not hide from. Not everyone has that luxury, but I know more often than not parents want their children to confide in them, and they just don't.

What will stop this suicide craze is parents opening up to their children to have that line of communication open. I still confide in my mother, and I had one friend tell me how it was weird that I tell my mom 90% of what goes on in my life, but that's because my mother does not judge me, she supports me and when she thinks I am wrong, she will tell me whether I like it or not. I am eternally grateful for having a mother as wonderful as mine. I used to have friends come over my house and confide in my mother and seek her advice because they couldn't talk to their moms. She's good like that. The woman drives me absolutely insane, and when I was younger, she was crazy strict, but I'm not in rehab, I don't abuse drugs, I haven't been arrested, I have a college degree, a full time job, and I surround myself with happy well adjusted people. No parent is perfect, and they make mistakes, but their children should be able to tell them when they are being bullied, and be able to lift them out of that dark place, because trust me it never ever lasts, and I am proof of that. Countless girls were nasty and mean to me, and look now, they are a non factor in my life. They had no merit then, and they sure as hell do not have it now.

Bullying does not last, and if it is spiraling out of control, it is okay to remove your child from that school. This one girl was bullied by about 15 girls. That number is a lot to handle, and if I were a parent I would have removed my child from that school. I knew a girl who's mother took her out of school for a year because of bullying. In order to protect your child, you have to do what's necessary. I never had that many people bully me at once, but you better believe if I did my mother would have removed me from the situation. Suicide is a permanent end to a temporary problem. It solves nothing, but it hurts the ones that love you the most. How much more awareness do we need before this finally stops?

- Julie Catherine

Age Ain't Nothin' but a Number.

For years, I thought my life would be just like my mothers, and that I would be married at 23. I am now 24, and I don't have a boyfriend, or any prospects for that matter. I always thought that would bother me, but I still feel so young, and that I have so much more to accomplish before that happens. A few girls I know are already married, and have been married since 22 or 23 years old. I personally think they settled for this life. They still live in my town, in their crappy homes, with their dinky wedding rings. I feel like I can't settle for that same life style.

One thing my mother always told me was that if a man cannot afford to by you a nice ring of at least three carats, you're not ready to be married. You can't afford a wedding, or a house, or babies. My parents impress upon me the importance of building my life, building my brand, so that when I do get married I can pay for my wedding, and I can have my honeymoon, and I can have my house, and I can start my family. So many people just rush into it, and that's just not my goal. I want to establish myself first before I begin to worry about being with someone else.

It hurt me for a while that everyone around me was getting married, and having babies, and now I realize that I cannot compare their lives to my own. We are on two different paths, were not in the same bracket at all. The reason I chose not to become a teacher, after completing everything I was supposed to, was because something told me I could do more. There was something else out there. I feel that about every aspect of my life. Something bigger is waiting for me. Things I cannot even imagine are just waiting for me to find them.

Don't get me wrong, I want to be married, and have babies, and grow my family, but that will all happen on it's own. My mother told me that when the time is right, the right man will present himself to me. It's not something I think anyone should be rushing. I know a lot of girls who just run into marriage, and I hear that they have gotten divorced after just a few years. I think so many people fear being lonely, that they will marry someone, or have a baby with someone, who is totally wrong. No one is ever alone. You are surrounded by people who love you, and by claiming you're lonely is a slap in all those peoples faces. You are devaluing their presence in your life. Count your blessings.

Everyone's life takes it's own course, but there's nothing wrong with just worrying about yourself. I knew a girl who ended a relationship, and I told her to be selfish for a while and worry about herself, and she told me she's not a selfish person. I wanted to slap her. It's not about being selfish selfish, its about putting yourself first, and not acting so incredibly desperate that you just jump from relationship to relationship. People can smell the desperation on a person, and when you present that desperation, they take advantage of you, and you don't find the right person, you find the scumbags. Desperation sends off a terrible vibe, and no one likes to be around someone who is desperate.

At 24, I am not married, engaged, or in a relationship, and that is PERFECTLY OK. I know that everything happens and unfolds in its own time. Things happen the way they are meant to. Age is nothing but a number. Some people don't get married till they're thirty, I hope that isn't the case for me personally, but it happens. Thirty is the new twenty in my eyes. So just enjoy your time worrying about yourself. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself before you worry about anyone else!

- Julie Catherine.

As Long As You Love Me?

So far, I have written a lot about my ex, and my dating fiascoes, but I decided to tell you about a man I'd like to call Derrick. Two weeks before Valentine's day, back in 2011, my ex just up and decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. We had gone through this cycle constantly. Up and down and all around. He would come and go in the relationship as he pleased. Every time he left, it meant he was going to be with another girl. Finally, I decided that if he was going to leave me to be with someone else, I should explore my options. That's where Derrick came in.

One night, I was out with a good friend of mine, and we went to her co-workers house. He shared a house with a few other guys. We were going to pregame there, then hit the bars. Derrick walked in to the room, and immediately I was taken. He was an all American guy, so handsome, and I knew I needed to talk to him. I kept my distance at first because I was still dating my ex. Then, the day after my ex dumped me to be with some tramp, I went out to the bars with one of my good girlfriends. In a drunken stupor, I told her to call Derrick. When she called him he was just at the library, and he was going to head his way over. When he got there, I was an emotional mess over my ex. I was so heartbroken, and I was ready to meet someone who would not do that to me. There was Derrick.

Derrick and I began with library dates and dinner dates. We would go and study, and then after go get a beer or a bite to eat. We were always together, and even after my ex and I began talking again, I kept Derrick around. My ex was all over the place. I could not deal with the insecurity that relationship provided, and I was no longer his girlfriend, so I wasn't doing anything I shouldn't have been. He was doing his own thing, and so was I.

Derrick and I were practically boyfriend and girlfriend, but not really. Derrick was funny, considerate, respectful, thoughtful, and an all around great guy. He did have his flaws though. I knew Derrick would never cheat on me or lie to me. I knew he cared about me enough to take care of my heart and my well being, which my ex did not. He was all the good qualities I wish my ex had, and I would have continued to date him, except one small issue.

Derrick was 22 years old, and he just started college again, taking only ONE internet course, because he didn't want to overwhelm himself. I was a full time student working 60 hours a week at a restaurant. I was on the deans list, and I worked my ass off to get there. This man wanted one course so he didn't overwhelm himself. I was appalled. He had no ambition or drive. None at all. It was really depressing to be around. He would tell me money isn't everything, and he is right, but as 50 Cent once told me, "Find out when you fuckin' broke, love won't get you on the bus." It's true! I aim for success and a comfortable life, and he was flying by the seat of his pants. His laziness drove me insane.

Only way to achieve this is hard work.

This man had all the qualities I was looking for in a man. Athletic, funny, caring, loving, considerate, handsome, thoughtful, respectful, from a good home, but he had NO DRIVE AT ALL. I find men who work hard, and support their family to be honorable men. My father was that man. He worked his ass off so that his children and his wife could have everything they wanted and more. I get my work ethic from him. We are not lazy people, and even on our days off we are up at seven in the morning ready to go. I cannot be with someone who does not have ambition and drive for a better life.

Derrick was a wonderful man, but I could not get past the fact that he was up at one or two in the afternoon because he didn't get home till four in the morning because he was out drinking with his buddies. It was a life I could not see myself getting involved in at all. I work too hard to have a boyfriend, or a fiancé, or husband who does not believe in the value of hard work. To this day, Derrick still contacts me, but I don't entertain it for fear of instilling hope that there will be something between us. I value a man with a college degree. I think it shows that you had the chops to stick it out, no matter how long it took, and you worked hard for a better future.

When I was younger, the Backstreet Boys had a song out called As Long As You Love Me, and it said, "I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me". As a little girl I was all for it. I was also madly in love with Nick Carter, but it came down to an idealistic world where as long as you love me, we will be fine. That was a load of bull. You should be loved unconditionally and love unconditionally in return, but the person should match your ideals, goals, and dreams. They won't always line up perfectly, but why be with someone who can't fully see or understand your direction and goals in life? As I got older, I still love the song very much, but I know now that it does matter who you are, where you're from, and what you did, and you better love me.

- Julie Catherine

Facing the Music...

Two of my favorite things are Nick Carter, and reading. So, when he came out with a book, Facing the Music & Living to Talk About it, guess who bought it? This girl right here. I was told it was an autobiography, and I couldn't wait to see what he had to say about things like dating Paris Hilton, his drug use, and his multiple arrests. I have loved this man since I was about seven years old. The only time I lost respect for him was when he dated Paris, because she is just a joke. I knew he had gone down the rabbit hole once he was with her. Regardless, I knew this was going to be good, but what I got out of it was more than I expected.

Grab a copy, it could help you too.

This book was part autobiography tied in with self-help. The only self-help book I have read is The Secret, and with only a little bit of actual self-help, its just a crock of shit. The whole book is just a joke. It gives good advice such as being positive, and making goals, but it leads people to believe that if they think about something hard enough they will transmit a frequency and magically the universe moves people and events to get to them. Science proves that wrong, there's a frequency we transmit, but it's not strong enough to actually do what the book claims, and the author makes random claims of other famous people who knew the secret, its a crock of shit. Don't waste your time, and if you believe in The Secret, well, good for you.

The Secret..

Anyway, back to my story. Reading Nicks book, he began to talk about relationships. His binge drinking stories, and crazy drug use I can't relate to because I haven't ever been that way, except when he began talking about relationships, he got my attention. He talked about his relationships, and how one made him physically ill because it was so bad for him. Nicks words popped off the page when I read, "Sometimes you might be in an unhealthy relationship or you might be in an environment that is not good for you and you'll not only have to recognize the situation for what it is, but you'll have to change things about those relationships." For the first time in over a year, he forced me to look back at my relationship, and see it for what it was. It was incredibly unhealthy.

A year and a half ago I got out of a seriously bad relationship. I was up and down and all over the place. I was always super healthy and active, and then when things got bad, I got lazy and fat. I was so unhappy and miserable that I was lucky if I could get out of bed. I said I don't identify with Nicks binge drinking, but I definitely drank a lot. I would go out at 8 PM with friends, and not get back home till 4 AM. The only reason I drank so much was because I couldn't face the pain that was being inflicted on me. The alcohol, the shitty food, and the lack of exercise due to being miserable were all showing. It was evident to everyone something was not right with me. My mother tried to get me to talk, but I pushed her away. I was so far down the hole that I couldn't see anyone or anything else. My life revolved around making this person happy, so much so that I was no longer happy.

Now, you are wondering why I would stay so long if this was the case. Another thing Nick said in his book is that he did not feel that he was worthy of love, and that he felt that this was it for him. This was all he was good enough for. That's exactly how I felt, and that's why I went back to this person twice after I initially left. I felt that this was it for me, that this was all I deserved, I was dead wrong. No one deserves to feel so low that they cannot get out of bed or go for a run. My life was falling a part all around me. I was not this person, so how did I let this happen? It's so much easier as an outsider to judge and say, " Well, you could have left at any time!" not true. I was so blind to my own value and worth that I would rather stay miserable because I felt this was what I deserved, and this was all that was out there for me. It was not true at all, but it's all I knew.

I didn't realize my worth until I met someone else. He wound up being a total dud, but when he was good, he brought me back to life, and I am so grateful to him for that. I was so lost, and so confused, but he showed me, for how brief it was, that I was worth something, and I deserved so much more. I did go back to my ex one more time, but it was very short lived because I was able to see the red flags, and when he said he did not want to talk to me anymore, I made the choice to cut him out. I realized that I was worth more than this, that this was not all that there was out there.

I always felt that the things that happened to me weren't that bad, and that they happen to other people not me. I was wrong, they were horrible, and they should have never happened, and I should have never accepted it. I was in a bad cycle, and finally a year and a half later I was able to break the cycle for good. I have completely turned my life around, and I have met other men who show me that there's more out there for me, whether or not they last, they are still a step in the right direction. I learned that I deserve to be loved and treated with kindness and respect and loyalty. I deserve a happy, healthy, stable, and loving relationship. It took me Nick Carter's book to reflect on that.

Reflecting on the past can hurt deep, but it can heal as well. I healed by forcing myself to recognize my mistakes, and my ex's mistakes. I realize that it was also my fault for enabling him. I was a part of the problem, I am not innocent in this. I enabled the behavior that was given to me. I let it be allowed as though it was normal. I think because I have such a fantastic support system, and I have people who really love me and want to see me succeed in every aspect of my life, I have come out of it stronger than ever. I learned from the past, and I won't forget it because I won't be doomed to repeat it. I know my worth and I will never let someone cheapen me ever again.

Nick Carter has been the one man who has never broken my heart, and his book came into my life for a reason. I truly believe that I needed to read it in order to finally end that chapter in my life. He woke me up, and I wish I could thank him for doing that for me. Judge me all you want, and criticize me, but I know that everything happens for a reason, we just may not know what that reason is at the time. I made mistakes in my past, but I will not let my mistakes define me. I am just Julie, and I will not feel punished for my mistakes anymore.

- Julie Catherine.