As Long As You Love Me?

So far, I have written a lot about my ex, and my dating fiascoes, but I decided to tell you about a man I'd like to call Derrick. Two weeks before Valentine's day, back in 2011, my ex just up and decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. We had gone through this cycle constantly. Up and down and all around. He would come and go in the relationship as he pleased. Every time he left, it meant he was going to be with another girl. Finally, I decided that if he was going to leave me to be with someone else, I should explore my options. That's where Derrick came in.

One night, I was out with a good friend of mine, and we went to her co-workers house. He shared a house with a few other guys. We were going to pregame there, then hit the bars. Derrick walked in to the room, and immediately I was taken. He was an all American guy, so handsome, and I knew I needed to talk to him. I kept my distance at first because I was still dating my ex. Then, the day after my ex dumped me to be with some tramp, I went out to the bars with one of my good girlfriends. In a drunken stupor, I told her to call Derrick. When she called him he was just at the library, and he was going to head his way over. When he got there, I was an emotional mess over my ex. I was so heartbroken, and I was ready to meet someone who would not do that to me. There was Derrick.

Derrick and I began with library dates and dinner dates. We would go and study, and then after go get a beer or a bite to eat. We were always together, and even after my ex and I began talking again, I kept Derrick around. My ex was all over the place. I could not deal with the insecurity that relationship provided, and I was no longer his girlfriend, so I wasn't doing anything I shouldn't have been. He was doing his own thing, and so was I.

Derrick and I were practically boyfriend and girlfriend, but not really. Derrick was funny, considerate, respectful, thoughtful, and an all around great guy. He did have his flaws though. I knew Derrick would never cheat on me or lie to me. I knew he cared about me enough to take care of my heart and my well being, which my ex did not. He was all the good qualities I wish my ex had, and I would have continued to date him, except one small issue.

Derrick was 22 years old, and he just started college again, taking only ONE internet course, because he didn't want to overwhelm himself. I was a full time student working 60 hours a week at a restaurant. I was on the deans list, and I worked my ass off to get there. This man wanted one course so he didn't overwhelm himself. I was appalled. He had no ambition or drive. None at all. It was really depressing to be around. He would tell me money isn't everything, and he is right, but as 50 Cent once told me, "Find out when you fuckin' broke, love won't get you on the bus." It's true! I aim for success and a comfortable life, and he was flying by the seat of his pants. His laziness drove me insane.

Only way to achieve this is hard work.

This man had all the qualities I was looking for in a man. Athletic, funny, caring, loving, considerate, handsome, thoughtful, respectful, from a good home, but he had NO DRIVE AT ALL. I find men who work hard, and support their family to be honorable men. My father was that man. He worked his ass off so that his children and his wife could have everything they wanted and more. I get my work ethic from him. We are not lazy people, and even on our days off we are up at seven in the morning ready to go. I cannot be with someone who does not have ambition and drive for a better life.

Derrick was a wonderful man, but I could not get past the fact that he was up at one or two in the afternoon because he didn't get home till four in the morning because he was out drinking with his buddies. It was a life I could not see myself getting involved in at all. I work too hard to have a boyfriend, or a fiancé, or husband who does not believe in the value of hard work. To this day, Derrick still contacts me, but I don't entertain it for fear of instilling hope that there will be something between us. I value a man with a college degree. I think it shows that you had the chops to stick it out, no matter how long it took, and you worked hard for a better future.

When I was younger, the Backstreet Boys had a song out called As Long As You Love Me, and it said, "I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me". As a little girl I was all for it. I was also madly in love with Nick Carter, but it came down to an idealistic world where as long as you love me, we will be fine. That was a load of bull. You should be loved unconditionally and love unconditionally in return, but the person should match your ideals, goals, and dreams. They won't always line up perfectly, but why be with someone who can't fully see or understand your direction and goals in life? As I got older, I still love the song very much, but I know now that it does matter who you are, where you're from, and what you did, and you better love me.

- Julie Catherine